so long..

may quiz kami tomorrow sa filipi1 but i didn't get the handouts anymore kasi mej umuulan kanina, so baka bukas ng umaga ko nalang kunin. i still have to do the vocabulary game for Englone later on, for our presentation tomorrow. ergh, sayang di ko siya ka-group sa survey namin! shetness.. pero okay lang, at least i get to see him at least 3 times a week. :) siyempre literal na sumakit yung tiyan ko nung nagb"brainstorm" kami kanina for our survey. eh patawa kasi ng patawa si Ian so what do you expect? sobrang benta sa kin yung mga hirit niya kaya hindi tuloy kami makapagtrabaho ng mabuti. so yun, in the end, wala rin talaga kaming natapos except for our topic, fastfood: which do you prefer? hahahahahahaha!!! =))

nakita ko si atc kanina. Cheese told me something about him.. and yeah, my heart was torn not just in two. parang dinaan sa grinder.. *sigh* nalang ako eh.. well, malas ko lang talaga, kung tutuusin, sa kanya pa lang ako nagkagusto ng ganito ever since nag-college ako eh tas sa ganito pa matatapos.. loser talaga ako ever.. sana minulat niya yung mata niya.. sana lang.. pero sa tingin ko, wala naman nang mapupuntahan toh eh, so might as well stop. sawa na ako.. siguro kung sa tingin niya pa-smile smile na lang ako jan, pero deep inside masama ang loob ko. tao rin naman ako eh, marunong masaktan..

minsan badtrip magmahal.. bigay ka nang bigay pero kulang pa rin.. magpapakatanga ka pero ikaw rin yung iiyak.. ikaw ang iiwas pero ikaw rin masasaktan.. hintay ka nang hintay pero ikaw rin ang iiwan..

the sudden stop.

i believe it wasn't my plan to fall for someone like you; but i don't think it was my fault either. i've tried long and hard to suppress my feelings in the pit of my very soul; however, what i did only add up to the pain and disappointment that was already there. you were so close to me, you've always been the crying shoulder of this weary heart of mine. and i'm pretty sure that you never ceased to love me--only, it wasn't the same love that i felt for you. you saw me as your bestfriend in the whole world and the sister you never had. what i saw in you, on the other hand, completely went beyond brotherly love and affection. i've asked myself a thousand times whether this really is something worth holding on to. if you're someone worth holding on to. for the past 3 years, my mind and my heart have been at odds with each other. i myself couldn't accept what my mind was telling my heart; even though i know for a fact that moving on was the only rational thing to do. my heart was at stake. i was afraid of letting go of the one thing that keeps me up my toes because that would mean going back to where i started--again. i took the easy way out by pretending that everything was doing fine. i continued to be the one you saw in me. i was the bestfriend who waited for you after your soccer training. i was the sister who threw you your towel when you couldn't even find it in your own bag. i showed you my best smile that Tuesday afternoon when you scored a goal. i teased you when you just couldn't contain yourself after winning the championship game. that was--after all--all i am to you: the greatest bestfriend and the long lost sister. You? You were the bestfriend and the brother who i chose to love more than anything else. i grew out of the love that you expected of me. but you were too blind to see that--how could you have been so blind?

this, i realized: i too have my limitations. i've come to the point where the hurting became too hard to handle. i realized i wasn't strong enough to hold on to you. i wish it wasn't this difficult to run after you all this time. i wish you saw me like the way i perceived you to be my own. but how else could i change this outcome? that ain't possible, i know. i guess i just gotta take a good step forward and try to make friends with life again. you know why letting go hurts and crushes you deep inside? because no matter what you do, things will never be the same again. it's a sad reality that we can never ever change.

[ moving on is one thing. moving up is a different one. can you do both? :( ]

hey, it's Tuesday! :P

in a very brief group discussion in Englone yesterday, i suddenly realized two things: my love for reading and the need for writing. our professor asked us to bring our favorite reading material; but being the typically good student that i was, i didn't bring mine although i brought with me the next to my favorite. i bet most of you have already came across or have actually read Tuesdays with Morrie; that's the book i brought in class. why the book? read on.

MY LOVE FOR READING

i love reading. now that's an understatement. but lemme tell you the reasons why i do. there are only three: it widens my vocabulary, it helps me discover the various writing styles of different writers, and it lets me see the countless lessons that life haas to offer whenever i finish one. that's where Tuesdays with Morrie comes into picture. this book--if you don't know yet--is based on a true to life account of the author with his college professor. he relived the moments he spent with Morrie until his (Morrie's) last breath. i was surprised how this book--though small--could contain so much of life's greatest lessons. i actually found it amusing to highlight many quotations, but the main reason is that i know that those lines have an underlying message. i never get tired of going through this book ever since i got hold of it. no matter how many times i read it, it never fails to give me hope and inspiration in my everyday life. and i gotta say that this is one of the best novels that has captured my love for reading.

THE NEED TO WRITE

this idea came floating in my mind when i was in the car on the way home from school. i remember myself thinking about the way Mitch Albom succesfully took me to the substance of his novel. i was impressed and inspired with how he gave life to a book that is no more than 500 pages. i didn't quite think i would push through with writing this until i started doodling again in my notebook. the question: What makes a good writer? to put it bluntly--i don't know. in my opinion, we cannot possibly set a perfect criteria for a good writer becasue once and for all, different people have their distinct writing styles and each of these is a trademark of a person. that's just my say on that matter and i'm not saying that it's altogether correct. why am i saying this? i just felt the need to write.


[i have a feeling na bitin talaga yung last part. ^_^]

sad:

lagi na nga tayong magkatabi eh. pero bakit sa tuwing titingnan kita, ang layo layo ng tingin mo? di ba pwedeng kahit sandali lang, sakin ka naman tumingin?

like the wounded heart of a soldier vanquished in battle

sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, feel ko wala pa ring pinagbago ang buhay ko ever since nag-college ako. well, siguro in some parts, meron naman. we all know that the only permanent thing in this land and earth is CHANGE. pero kung titingnan ninyo mabuti ang aking so-called life, wala. ganon pa rin. at kung alam niyo lang ang mga problemang dinadala ko right now, ewan ko nalang. naguguluhan ako sa 2 aspect ng buhay ko and i don't think anyone could understand what i'm feeling at this very moment. kung alam niyo lang yung naramdaman ko paglabas ko ng Vice Dean's Office kanina.. literal na luhaan akong lumabas ng cubicle ng Academic Assistant kasi mukha talagang malabo na ako maka-shift agad sa AB-CAM this term. nahiya nga ako bigla coz andun si Ernest, my classmate in Introso (who is actually undeniably cute), so i kept my tears from trickling down. talunan, loser, yun nga siguro ako. as in i felt like a soldier defeated in battle. pinigil ko yung luha ko hanggang makarating ako sa 3rd floor ng SPS hanggang sa nawala na yung urge kong umiyak. kakausapin ko dapat si Sir Ennan eh, but he went out early for lunch. so i decided na babalik nalang ako after ng last class ko, before going home.

good thing nakita ako ni Tensh sa LS, may kasama tuloy ako mag-lunch. hehe! :) then tumambay kami sa Ampi after.

of all my subjects this term, it's a mystery why i really enjoy Englone. well not necessarily a mystery in the sense na as in "mysterio". i mean, wala naman kasi akong kasamang blockmate sa subject na yun, although classmate ko si Justin Ramirez and Paulo Fernandez who were my batchmates in CSA. pero iba talaga sa iba kong classes! my classmates in Englone are so friendly, they talk/speak to me. well kasi sa Introso, i haven't spoken to a single living being with the exception of Denise when she borrowed a ballpen from me during the first day. after that incident, i kept my mouth shut and so did they. screw that course. but anyway, back to Englone. most of my classmates in that course are Engineering students, yes Eng sila. natutuwa ako sa kanila coz easy easy lang sa kanila yung mga brainteasers namin kanina. (yes again, may brainteasers kami! but it's not limited to math brainteasers, hehe!). we actually had the checking of our journals when the period started, stupid little me, buong araw ko iniisip yung pagbili ng tickler as my journal pero nakalimutan ko parin bumili sa bookstore. and to think na galing nako ng SPS bago ako maglunch with Tensh. ang tanga tanga ko talaga kahit kailan! buti nalang hindi pa sinubmit yung journal notebook namin and buti nalang mabait si TJ (my seatmate), chineck nalang niya yung entry ko kahit na nasa yellow pad lang. :) si Brian naman, seatmate ko rin, natatawa ako kasi nagsulat lang siya ng entry niya pagdating niya ng M308. i have nothing against what he wrote, in fact binigyan ko siya ng perfect score, pero natawa lang talaga ako sa loob loob ko coz parang taranta na siya nung nagsusulat siya then tinanong pa niya sa kin kung anong spelling ng "necessity". being the nice seatmate that i was, i just spelled it out to him. basta, so far, favorite ko na Englone among all my subjects. hahaha! :)


ang pangalawang aspect ng buhay ko na sa tingin ko ay hindi man lang umurong nung simula't simula ay ang aking lovelife. well alam niyo naman siguro what happened in my last relationship right? that was totally devastating. utterly bad breakup! if only i could go back and change the past; but then again that's not really possible. setting aside my regrets from that one, i still hope for the "right" one to come along. actually ang dami ko nang prospects/crashes pero wala pa rin. haha! loser talaga eh. pero there's this one person who i really enjoy being with. hindi ko alam kung gusto ba niya ko or what, hindi ko minsan siya maintindihan eh. sensitive naman akong tao, pero minsan di ko rin maiwasan maging manhid. sana nakakabasa nalang ako ng feelings ng tao para hindi na ko nahihirapan manghula ng kung anu-ano. tas baka mamaya kasi mali pa yung hula ko, *boom* masasaktan na naman ako. sawa na ang puso ko sa mga ganyang uri ng sakit, sana ingatan naman nung taong gusto nito diba? kasi minsan minsan lang nga ako magkagusto, ayoko nang sumablay pa. and sana sa mga boys na makakabasa nito, sana wag din kayong maging manhid. look around you, and think about this: HOW COME YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO GO OUT AND MAKE OTHER PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE ONE WHO ALREADY DOES?

*sigh* i don't know if we have that "something".. hope we do.. oh well, i'm just here wishing.. x_x

not so sweet nothings.

sa aking paglalakbay sa kawalan, walang anu-ano'y bigla kang sumagi sa aking isip. sadya ba talagang kailangan iyon mangyari? dahil sa tuwing ika'y naiisip ko, lalo lang lumalalim ang pagtingin kong alam kong hindi naman masusuklian ng anu mang pagtingin galing sa iyo. hindi naman ako nagkulang sa pagpapaalala sa aking sarili na walang patutunguhan ang mga nararamdaman ko. ngunit sadya yata talagang mapagbiro ang tadhana na kailangan pa nitong pahirapan ang isang pusong nahihirapan na nga. kahit ang kapalit nito'y isang buhay na puno ng hinanakit, asahan mong pipilitin kong lunukin ang mapait na katotohanang ika'y mananatiling isang panaginip na lamang.

heh

awww.. all alone in Cybernook.. :(


waaaaahhh! naiinis ako sa isang tao! x_x

at the same time 1/2 miss ko din siya. o_o

pero ano nga naman ba ang magagawa ko diba? :(


*tampo mode*

i wish...

it's just so freakin' difficult to keep your feelings to yourself when all you want to do is scream out his name and tell him that it's not easy to watch him from a distance having the time of his life not knowing that there is this one person who has been so tired of waiting for him..

i wish he had his eyes on me.

i wish he would look at me like i'm the only girl he ever laid eyes on.

i wish he would like me as much as i like him.

i wish he could spend time with me for as long as i want.

i wish.. but then, that's all i can do right? wish for whatever, even though i know for a fact that there's no way these would become a reality. :(

*hayyy*

awww.. i miss my block so much! o_o

my classes were fine, with the exception of introso. though the class this morning was way better than the previous meeting, i still am a loner in that shit class.

i met up with Cheese and the rest! ahhhhhhhhhhhh, what a relief! am so glad to see them.. hehe! ate lunch at Mcdo. ^_^ *pigout session*


Hazel, Cheese, Bea, Trina, Cesar, Key, Desi, Aids, Desi, Natz... thanks kanina! miss na miss ko na kasi kayo.. ^_^

Girl Talk!

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.

3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to "get over him" after the relationship's over.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually is not sure how to react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her.
So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?

8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start calling her friends to spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you. 16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave her. 17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.

18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.

19. Hearing the words "I Love You" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.

23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.

24. Girls Love having fun!

25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.

26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their "Prettier" friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will Love and care for them.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel Loved!

first day funk!

not bad for the first day of the third term eh?

filipi1 was okay, the prof was nice and very much outspoken (aka makulit siya). good thing Lex's my classmate, at least i've got a blockmate by my side, at least i'm not alone. Mayan and Iami too are my classmates (they're my batchmates in CSA). so t'was fine..

but introso was a different story. i didn't know a single soul in the class! well except for a CSA batchmate who i don't even know. whatever.. tsss.. goodluck in your introduction to sociology Nash. you've got to make friends before the prof requires you to group yourselves. blehh..
let's just hope for the best. i'm having englone, genpsyc and relstwo tomorrow. weeeee! i bet englone will be the same as introso. so help me God.

anyway.. went to G4 with Tencio and James after class. but i have to separate from them two coz Noel arrived. not that we had a date, unplanned lang talaga na nagdecide kaming magkita. had lunch at Wendy's then went to Timezone. akalain mo ba naman! andun din si Monch! x_x he was with JP. ginulat ko nga eh, nagulat naman, nyahaha! so yun.. naglaro kami ni Noel. pero 1 game lang, heehee! then tumambay nalang kami sa starbucks after. we just talked. haha! i laughed at him a couple of times, lol!

then.. *14* texted me. he gave me a ride home since he too was on his way. so that's it, i don't wanna anymore spill every detail. i can't concentrate kasi. basta.

it's a difficult life... :(

damn it!

i lost all possible hope.

i gotta think and look for anotha university.

(bakit ba kasi ang arte ng ab-cam sa la salle, takte!)

*sigh* my dad wanted me to apply to st.scho, but what the? i dunno if i can handle the culture shock if i'd transfer to an exclusive school. hay.. yun nga, i'm thinking about UST and UP. i asked Karen for the requirements, pero yun nga, the nearest course to communication arts in UP-Manila is Organizational Communication. it's like Comm. arts with business. that, i'd tell my parents about. my dad's a product of UST, i told him pwede rin dun, but sabi ni mother dearest malayo. ano ba talaga kuya? you guys told me i could pick any school i like, now what? basta, if talagang no hope for shifting in la salle anymore, i'll transfer. naaasar narin ako eh.

this'll probably be my last term on the grounds of the archers.. shiets..

Y2k6, help yourself.

*first post for the new year, would it be any better?*

Nash: haha, ewan ko.. basta, goodluck nalang! lol.

dahil tinatamad ako ngayon mag-english kasi bagong gising ako, magtataglish ako. it is, after all, year 2006 already. pagbigyan niyo na ako. hahaha! well, medyo madami-dami rin nangyari for the past few days. read on...


Wednesday: i stayed home. and since wala naman akong kailangan gawin sa house, i "literally" went out of the house to get some fresh air. pumunta ako sa store para bumili ng snacks.. pero 1 lang nabili ko. so what do you expect? pagdating ko ng bahay, ubos na siya. so walang use, gutom parin ako. nawala rin yung kinain ko nung naglakad ako. lol. and since tinatamad ako that time, i asked my sister to buy some stuff for me sa store. pero knowing my little sister, sumama na rin ako. kasi for sure may makakalimutan siya. hehe. to my surprise, paglabas ko ng house, dumaan yung car ni *fourteen*! pagtingin ko sa car, he too was looking at me and smiling, so i smiled back. hehe. so yeah, bumili na kami ni Joey ng snacks. tas on the way home, i received a text from him. actually ka-text ko na siya before pa ko bumili ng food, pero hindi siya nagreply. so un, he asked kung san ako pumunta.. bla bla and bla bla. THEN, he asked me if we could hang out sa park. i said yes, kasi wala naman akong ibang gagawin other than cook our dinner for the night. so before i went out, niluto ko na yung dinner namin para wala ng prob. paglabas ko ng house, he was already there. sakto lang, lol. naglibot-libot lng kami sa park, then umupo nalang kami on one of the benches sa may field. we talked.. about anything. yeah, madaldal nga talaga siya, but in a good way. :) basta, ang kulit niya. [again, in a good way.] then, nung bumukas na yung lights sa covered court, hinatid na niya ko sa house. alam niya kasi na hindi pa ko kumakain at that time, eh gabi na nun.. well, it sure was one of the highlights of the week. :D


Thursday - Saturday morning: we went to Bulacan. [kaya hindi ako nakasama sa swimming kina Hazel. :(( ]


Saturday night: went to mass with the fam + tita Liz. i saw him before the mass started. i don't know if he knew that i saw him right away but he smiled at me when i looked at him during communion. [nakakahiya yun, kasi nakatingin siya sakin nung tumingin ako! nakita niya tuloy yung pag-glance ko sa kanya! ahhhh! scram nash! scram!] hindi ko na siya nakasalubong on the way out of the church, kasi magkaiba kami ng dinaanan. pero it's a good start. masaya na new year ko dahil nakita ko siya. :) [sana lang wag niya mabasa toh diba, kasi hindi na ko magpapakita sa kanya.. noooo.]


before we went home early this morning.. i was talking to Noel. he's an ex.. so, we just talked. catched up on each other's lives.. and yeah, laughed our hearts out. pinagtatawanan ko siya kasi ang drama drama niya.. gusto ko siyang saksakin.. joke! hahahah! lol! peace tayo Noel! :)