like the wounded heart of a soldier vanquished in battle

sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, feel ko wala pa ring pinagbago ang buhay ko ever since nag-college ako. well, siguro in some parts, meron naman. we all know that the only permanent thing in this land and earth is CHANGE. pero kung titingnan ninyo mabuti ang aking so-called life, wala. ganon pa rin. at kung alam niyo lang ang mga problemang dinadala ko right now, ewan ko nalang. naguguluhan ako sa 2 aspect ng buhay ko and i don't think anyone could understand what i'm feeling at this very moment. kung alam niyo lang yung naramdaman ko paglabas ko ng Vice Dean's Office kanina.. literal na luhaan akong lumabas ng cubicle ng Academic Assistant kasi mukha talagang malabo na ako maka-shift agad sa AB-CAM this term. nahiya nga ako bigla coz andun si Ernest, my classmate in Introso (who is actually undeniably cute), so i kept my tears from trickling down. talunan, loser, yun nga siguro ako. as in i felt like a soldier defeated in battle. pinigil ko yung luha ko hanggang makarating ako sa 3rd floor ng SPS hanggang sa nawala na yung urge kong umiyak. kakausapin ko dapat si Sir Ennan eh, but he went out early for lunch. so i decided na babalik nalang ako after ng last class ko, before going home.

good thing nakita ako ni Tensh sa LS, may kasama tuloy ako mag-lunch. hehe! :) then tumambay kami sa Ampi after.

of all my subjects this term, it's a mystery why i really enjoy Englone. well not necessarily a mystery in the sense na as in "mysterio". i mean, wala naman kasi akong kasamang blockmate sa subject na yun, although classmate ko si Justin Ramirez and Paulo Fernandez who were my batchmates in CSA. pero iba talaga sa iba kong classes! my classmates in Englone are so friendly, they talk/speak to me. well kasi sa Introso, i haven't spoken to a single living being with the exception of Denise when she borrowed a ballpen from me during the first day. after that incident, i kept my mouth shut and so did they. screw that course. but anyway, back to Englone. most of my classmates in that course are Engineering students, yes Eng sila. natutuwa ako sa kanila coz easy easy lang sa kanila yung mga brainteasers namin kanina. (yes again, may brainteasers kami! but it's not limited to math brainteasers, hehe!). we actually had the checking of our journals when the period started, stupid little me, buong araw ko iniisip yung pagbili ng tickler as my journal pero nakalimutan ko parin bumili sa bookstore. and to think na galing nako ng SPS bago ako maglunch with Tensh. ang tanga tanga ko talaga kahit kailan! buti nalang hindi pa sinubmit yung journal notebook namin and buti nalang mabait si TJ (my seatmate), chineck nalang niya yung entry ko kahit na nasa yellow pad lang. :) si Brian naman, seatmate ko rin, natatawa ako kasi nagsulat lang siya ng entry niya pagdating niya ng M308. i have nothing against what he wrote, in fact binigyan ko siya ng perfect score, pero natawa lang talaga ako sa loob loob ko coz parang taranta na siya nung nagsusulat siya then tinanong pa niya sa kin kung anong spelling ng "necessity". being the nice seatmate that i was, i just spelled it out to him. basta, so far, favorite ko na Englone among all my subjects. hahaha! :)


ang pangalawang aspect ng buhay ko na sa tingin ko ay hindi man lang umurong nung simula't simula ay ang aking lovelife. well alam niyo naman siguro what happened in my last relationship right? that was totally devastating. utterly bad breakup! if only i could go back and change the past; but then again that's not really possible. setting aside my regrets from that one, i still hope for the "right" one to come along. actually ang dami ko nang prospects/crashes pero wala pa rin. haha! loser talaga eh. pero there's this one person who i really enjoy being with. hindi ko alam kung gusto ba niya ko or what, hindi ko minsan siya maintindihan eh. sensitive naman akong tao, pero minsan di ko rin maiwasan maging manhid. sana nakakabasa nalang ako ng feelings ng tao para hindi na ko nahihirapan manghula ng kung anu-ano. tas baka mamaya kasi mali pa yung hula ko, *boom* masasaktan na naman ako. sawa na ang puso ko sa mga ganyang uri ng sakit, sana ingatan naman nung taong gusto nito diba? kasi minsan minsan lang nga ako magkagusto, ayoko nang sumablay pa. and sana sa mga boys na makakabasa nito, sana wag din kayong maging manhid. look around you, and think about this: HOW COME YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO GO OUT AND MAKE OTHER PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE ONE WHO ALREADY DOES?

*sigh* i don't know if we have that "something".. hope we do.. oh well, i'm just here wishing.. x_x