enough is enough..

i don't know why i'm doing this. i don't even know what pushed me to write. it's been a long long long while since i've done something like this and i think i actually forgot how to write--considering that that was one of my passions. this i tell you: whenever i write like this, it's either i'm perfectly happy.. or extremely sad. i guess i'm more of the latter right now..

there are a thousand thoughts squirming in my head right now and i just can't seem to find the right words to put in here. i caught myself reminiscing my life in grade school and high school while i was in front of my computer chatting with Raffy. i even had the chance of opening up to him some excerpts of the life that i chose to limit within myself. i may be all too well whenever you'd see me but there are quite a number of things that're exclusively contained in me that i don't normally pour in to other people. you see, 'you think you know me, but you've got no idea..' Carmy's right when she made a write-up for me in our CLE project during our 2nd year.. i'm a very reserved individual. there's much much more to me than what i choose to reveal to everybody. i don't even know at this point in time if anyone in this world has reached out to me to get to know the real me. no.. not a single soul has dared to do that. i don't know why.. i just wish someone knows me like i do myself.

there goes my life again.. crash. whew.. how could it be so complicated?.. when all you ever wanted is to be happy and contented..

after my last failed relationship.. i told myself that i would not allow myself to be caught in the lovebug--at least while i'm not yet completely whole again. i promised myself that i would pick up my broken pieces the best that i possibly could. ONLY.. i guess that's just too hard to accomplish. it's not that i'm not yet over him--it's not THAT. there are far more inexplainable reasons why i couldn't actually regain my old self. for one, i wasn't able to keep my promise.. that is why everything fell apart. i found myself in crush with someone but i only got frustrated. so stupid of me to engage myself in such when i'm fully aware that i wasn't prepared to be in it. i hate it simply when i don't know how to act around a certain someone. it just sucks.. that is why i told myself that i have to leave it all at that. i decided to drop everything off before it turns into something irreversible. i don't wanna be falling out of this so i think it better to stop this nonsense. i like him but that's just the way it is. can't do more about it.. i just hope i can live up to this.

forgive me for posting this. the melancholy of it all..

oh well, i wrote this after watching 'My Sassy Girl' for the first time last night. it was such a funny movie.. but i didn't expect to cry.. i was sobbing alone in front of the t.v.. i was deeply touched.. and i feel so lovesick.. :