...

I rarely actually write here anything about the ups and downs that we usually go through with our relationship. It's probably because I feel that I could manage it on my own or talk it out with him. It usually works; but not all the time. And frankly speaking, now's one of those not-all-the-time times.

I just had to let this out.

Every now and then, we get into fights. They say that's normal for any kind of relationships, and I do believe in that. But I never thought that the pain attached to it is so hard to handle even if that fight would only last for a couple of hours. It's never easy and I always end up crying. I am afraid of him. And I always get hurt whenever he shouts at me on the phone, suddenly hangs up on me while I'm still talking, and constantly makes me feel that I'm not a good girlfriend.

Most of the time, I spend my nights crying coz I do not know what else I could do. There are some things that I could not tell him because I'm too afraid of his reaction. I just wish that one day he could see me as someone he really wants to spend his lifetime with. I'm getting tired of crying and crying and crying over him..