one big failure

since the moment i read that email from my chem prof, i've never been the same. i found myself staring blankly into space, not knowing what to do because i practically can't do anything about it and that's what's eating me up. i can't accept it; i don't want to accept it. i've never failed any subject! i can't fail.. i'd like to think that there's just something wrong with the grading, like maybe she messed something up.. but all my hope has been lost. all my fears about failing a course has dawned upon me.. all those fears became reality. i don't want to stay until 5th year just because of all our Chem courses.. i'm already delayed and this is what i get? i studied hard for that final exam, i studied for almost a week--hindi na nga ako masyado nag-aral for Sensper and my Chem lab, tas 38% lang nakuha ko sa finals na yun? i've never felt such a huge failure before.. it's just stupid.

i hate this. i hate everything.