♫ GEEK IN THE PUNK ♫

I need a job but I'm not that desperate.

2009-07-25T19:28:00.002+08:00

Well I got a call a while ago from a lady named Teresa Ong. By the way she sounded on the phone, she seemed professional, but not quite. She immediately told me that she's in a hurry for a meeting (At that time? Who has work on a Saturday at 6:30 aside from call centers?) that's why she needed me to listen closely to what she had to say. She didn't give much of an introduction of their company; she only said it was a US company whatever and that they are currently searching for highly qualified individuals bla bla bla who could earn like 15-20,000 a month, if hired. She then asked me to grab a planner so that I could jot down their address and her contact number, should I need to ask her anything. She told me to come in business attire on Monday, 3:30pm at 15th floor BDO San Miguel Ave. Branch, Ortigas. I had to cut her in the middle of our conversation (she was talking way too fast and I hated it) to ask her what position was I qualified for. Guess what, she didn't answer me; all that she said was they're going to explain everything once I get there and pass whatever test or interview they subject me into. I also asked whether I should bring a copy of my resume and she said there is no need.

WHATTT? They're recruiting people but they don't need any CVs?

BAM, that was it.

Maybe she thought I was still in school and that I haven't been to any interviews at all. She sure didn't know that I already graduated college because she had my old cellphone number that I wasn't using anymore. This was the 2nd time I received a call like this and that was when I still had that old number with me. I felt weird about it, not knowing the company and the position. And one thing I've learned during my majors and past job interviews, is to always research about the company and the position because you have to know what you're getting yourself into. So I had no choice but to google it.

Then there it was: a long list of forums, blogs, and multiply posts about the said company. I even stumbled about this blog that described the same situation I was in. Haha maybe Teresa Ong thought I wasn't smart enough. I graduated with a degree in Psychology. I may be in need of a job right now but I don't need some stupid scam or whatever it's called. I'm not that desperate.

If you wanna see for yourself, google the address. Do not fall for any of their schemes.

ILY.

2009-02-08T15:43:00.000+08:00

As always, forever and ever, babe.

Rough, Huff, Boom

2009-01-29T17:20:00.003+08:00

Rough: a rough start slightly altered my good mood this morning. it's one of those moments that i wanted some consolation but knew there's no way i could get it. SO,

Huff: it's the only thing i can do, before going home that is. deep breath and go home with a heavy heart. arrived in one piece, ate my so-so lunch in the form of mushroom soup, and tried to rest my head to get this mind of mine off some things. THEN,

Boom: just when i least expected it, that text message all the way from chicago made me. all worries, sadness, bitterness.. gone. :)

The drama will soon be over.

2009-01-28T10:05:00.003+08:00

3 more days, and yes, my drama will be over. I also found a lot of exciting stuff to look forward to next week and in the coming:

the week-long job fair. actually i'm eyeing on globe and cannot wait to see the familiar faces that i've worked with during my internship. i know they will be more than glad to accept my resume. i so miss working there! ;)
biochemistry and biochem lab. i'm surprised i'm getting the hang of the lessons and i wish lab is twice a week. mwahaha i love it!
the unsure date with babe. we haven't talked about this for a while but i really do hope this would push through since we certainly have to make up for all the lost time in the past month.
the LEAP. i got photography techniques and i'm crossing my fingers hoping it wouldn't be a total waste of time. i haven't attended leap for 3 years that's why i'm pretty excited to do this once again. :)
CSA college days. i swore to myself i need to return to my alma mater before i graduate college. i miss bumming around there. :) anyone up for a trip down memory lane?
mom's and joey's birthdays; which are a.k.a. valentine's day and the day after. and speaking of valentine's, i don't like roses. it annoys me. ;)

That's about it. I can't get enough of Bolt, which is why I might watch it again later. Ugh I can't wait to watch the current episode of GG. Me hates Ms. Carr. *die die die*

Taking a break

2009-01-23T14:52:00.002+08:00

I've said so many times before that I needed a good break from the things that have been stressing me out, and finally I'm taking that step towards it. Hopefully I get to detox and destress during this weekend without all the hassles of Manila. And what I want is to forget, even for a little while, some things that do bother me.

Canyon Woods, here I come! :D

....

2009-01-21T15:20:00.003+08:00

One thing to know for sure whether I am extremely unhappy is that I listen to Hillsongs and I tend to be obsessive compulsive in one way or another. I didn't think of that until a while ago when I couldn't hold on any longer and my tear ducts gave me away. I'm really tired. And desperate for something good to happen.

I hope I'm not yet beyond repair. I still want to smile after all these..

...

2009-01-21T15:07:00.003+08:00

I used to be good at pretending. Especially pretending to be happy, elated, and free of worries.

I wonder what went wrong..

I need to be good at this again.

Never Again.

2009-01-19T09:30:00.002+08:00

I'm back to where I started. There goes the bitterness creeping in again. I just don't know how long I can hold on to this. I don't know if it's only the moment that calls for this but still.. it's tiring already.

Never again will I wait for you anymore. Maybe it's time you come running after me.

On being alone and missing you.

2009-01-12T07:53:00.001+08:00

It's been quite a while since I last posted something sensible and worth reading here. Mostly just came from my multiply site, which were co-posted here, from there. Well it has been 2 weeks or so since he left for Chicago and it hasn't been easy all throughout. Though I know he's coming back in a couple of weeks, there still is the emptiness each and every day that only he could fill in. The first week was the worst of all because I wasn't prepared at all for the set-up. I was never a fan of long distance relationships and now I realized why I didn't like the idea at all. Sure there were the occasional emails and chatting over y!m, but come to think of it, you never know what actually is happening over there. I used to have so many fears and I somewhat had the difficulty to voice that out in the proper way that's why it always didn't sound right. During our christmas and new year celebrations, I was always in a constant hurry to get hold of my laptop and internet to check for new messages. It really wasn't easy. Raffy was right, You never know how hard it is until you experience it yourself. But somehow, it gets better. Maybe I got a bit too overwhelmed, which is why we got off at a rough start. And now that I'm getting used to it, I found a few ways to get my mind off the things that usually makes me sad.

19 more days to go until I can smother you with kisses again, babe. I just can't.. wait. :)

9 days before you board that plane.

2008-12-16T05:54:00.000+08:00

"And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you that day

and did I tell you that I love you?
just how much I really need you.."

Obsession creeping in..

2008-11-28T16:45:00.000+08:00

.. and it won't stop.

Oh well, I had a thought and a realization while I was on my way home. Here goes:

It prolly would be nice to have a dazzling and gorgeous vampire in a slick silver volvo. But you know, I'm perfectly happy with my boyfriend in his good 'ol navy blue volvo. :P

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haha Happy Anniversary to us. :) And it's because of you and your surprise, that all this started. Now, I gotta feed this obsession completely, till the last book. I tried to evade the twilight bandwagon but I'm a sucker for series such as this. Haha set aside Harry (I'll see you in July), spotlight's on Edward now. LOL

People talk about the guy who's waiting on a girl..

2008-11-10T10:26:00.000+08:00

This is just something that I have to share. Lately, I found myself listening to this song and I just can't help but feel so much of the emotions contained beneath the lyrics. It's really a wonderful song, one that's worth your listening pleasure. :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

Would you eat a baby?

2008-10-27T17:43:00.001+08:00

I heard about this from my dad a while ago when he showed me an email sent to him containing these facts. I was deeply disgusted by this. My God, what person in his or her right mind would eat a.. BABY?! And it's got limbs and a developed head at that! What's happening to the people of China these days? Are they really that desperate? You know, I'm not against abortion, but I think one has to have a valid reason before undergoing the process (i.e. mother's life is endangered because of pregnancy). And I have a big heart for baby's of any kind. Even this morning, when I cracked the duck egg that we're incubating in order to see/study the embryo, I felt sad for what I did to it.. :( But I never thought this inhumane action is actually possible. Eating babies.. very very disturbing.

---------------------------------------

A factory manager was interviewed and he testified that it is effective because he have tried it and is a frequent customer. It is a delicacy whereby expensive herbs are added to boil the baby with chicken meat for 8 hours boiling/steaming. He was interviewed with his second and very young wife, who is only 19 while he is now 62. He testifies the potency of the fetus soup and he was able to make love with his wife everyday.

"Spare rib soup" local code for fetus soup is being served to local restaurants in Canton. Couple who would like to abort their babies, could just go to these local restaurants and sell the aborted baby for 2,000RMB (China currency). These local restaurants also accepts placentas for several hundreds if couples do not want to sell their babies.

It is very disturbing to mention that most fetus served in these local restaurants are female babies. This is due to the fact that majority of Chinese prefers to have male babies and those poorer families usually end up selling their female babies.

Sources:
http://womanoftheearth.blogspot.com/2008/05/shocking-news-fetus-soup-being-served.html
http://www.trosch.org/lif/baby-eat.html

Can't wait for SPIDERMAN 4 ;))

2008-10-21T05:05:00.000+08:00

... as stolen from Raffy.

Spidey's got the wrong costume.

I bet this is the main reason why Kirsten Dunst hasn't signed the contract yet. LOL :))

i'm half deaf.

2008-10-17T14:15:00.002+08:00

Yes, I am. Don't ask how it happened though, it's none of your business.

I have a traumatic perforation in my ear; in other words, my eardrum has a huge hole.

My doctor, as an immediate aid, placed a very thin piece of filter paper-like thing in my middle ear to temporarily close the hole in my eardrum. It hurt when he did that and I almost fainted. I have to go back and visit him every week for ear check up to see if my tympanic membrane would heal. If worst comes to worst, that my eardrum would not heal, however, surgery is another option.

Surgery.. *gasp*

The sad thing was, he told me that he isn't sure if my eardrum would heal by itself as I'm already an adult, and the hole was kinda big. But just the same, he said he'll put a patch in my middle ear every week, and hopefully it'd facilitate in the healing. The surgery would be the last resort, if after everything done, nothing happened.

Click on the link.Tympanic Membrane Perforation

Busted phone.

2008-10-16T04:06:00.000+08:00

Just another random rant. Haha.

My handy dandy phone isn't working. I hate! :(

What's up with the CONTACT SERVICE popping out of the screen whenever I try to open it?!

Oh well. Good thing mum was willing to lend me her phone while she uses the spare phone at home. God I hate nokia. x_x

Actions speak louder than words alone.

2008-09-30T04:26:00.000+08:00

If you listened to the homily last sunday, then you probably know what I'm talking about.

Actions speak louder than words. And actions speak of who you really are.

'nuff said.

TSK TSK TSK.

2008-09-29T17:25:00.004+08:00

Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Picture this: I logged in to multiply in order to see something interesting.. and Voila, I did find it. It not only is interesting, but it also made my eyes bleed in horror because I couldn't understand a thing! Oh my God. You know I hate it when people blog and couldn't even use PROPER ENGLISH. Well the least that they could do is to do away with the english language and use what would suit them best--Tagalog. Seriously people, there really is nothing wrong with that. I mean, you could do everyone a favor by doing so.

And the worst part is, that person who posted that eyesore of a blog, is someone who I really really really despise as of the moment. It was crazy, and unbelievable at the same time. It gave me a major headache, and I couldn't get over it. He's hopeless.

Anyway, I am not ready to talk to that person so don't think for one second that you could convince me otherwise. After all that's been said and done (not just to me but to others who were more deeply scarred than I am), sorry is the last word I wanna hear from him.

Love and something silly

2008-09-27T22:32:00.002+08:00

Time check: 10:38pm.

Was actually surfing lamelessly through the blog of someone I don't even know. Hahaha well, I do not know her personally but I've heard some stuff about her.. you know. That--I won't be telling. ;)

I was having fun at first and was laughing my ass off at her pictures. OMG I'm really really mean. HAHAHA! I got bored out of my wits though. I realized I couldn't take the images of her face popping out of my screen every time I click the countless links in her blog. She's insane. *blajlkgjladjsfklasdf*

^^..^^

I always find myself thinking about YOU each time I get to be alone. It always feels like the first time, you know. Our first kiss, first touch, first hug, first date.. and all the other firsts. And I cannot stop myself. Believe me when I say you're the only one who could do that to me.

I LOVE YOU. Forever and ever, Babe. :)

10 months and 1 day = 306 days.

P.S. Sorry I overreacted again yesterday. You know what I mean... ;))

This is for you.

2008-09-22T14:41:00.000+08:00

Different people, different attitudes. Different people have their say on just about anything. Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: to be judged on who you are and are not OR to be constantly backstabbed by someone who you thought all along was your friend? I cannot choose.

This is for you. For you who loves being the center of attention. For you who puts on a mask, as you call it, apparently to hide who you truly are and what you think of others. For you who puts on a show everytime the curtains are up and the balls are rolling. This is for you, who thinks nothing but your own self.

Friends come and go, and like it or not, they can be your worst enemies. Words, they are powerful manifestations of what and how you feel about someone. And words, when not chosen appropriately, may destroy relationships that have been built to last. I have been a witness of these as I journeyed through my bittersweet past. However, never in my wildest dreams that it is you who would destroy the so-called friendship that I have shared with you, and the respect that you have gained.

I certainly lost all the respect that I have given you throughout the years. I realized what a complete fool I became into believing your questionable "friendly nature", your testaments of faith, and all your lies. I bet you thought I can never see through the real you, huh? Maybe you thought the things that you have been telling about me to other people won't find its way to my ears.. Now, you gave me the impression that you are not totally good at backstabbing people. Oh and by the way, I wasn't the only one. Last I heard, there were quite a few good people that you've been constantly backstabbing---in front of everybody. Looks like we really got the best we could ever have. (Okay, I could choke on my last sentence.)

If only you knew, you were one of the last few people that I would imagine talking trash about me. But I guess my assessment of you was so wrong that there's not a single thing that you could do for me to forgive you. I was deeply infuriated and disgusted by what you did.

Maybe now you could work your way up---alone---since I'm no good in any way. Let's just see how far your lies could bring you. It's almost always unhealthy to put so many balls in your head so goodluck in your future plans.

It's not enough that you accept me for who I am. You should also accept me for who I'm not. I'm sorry I disappointed you, you who (thinks) are so good, I cannot even reach you.

...

2008-09-20T18:15:00.002+08:00

I rarely actually write here anything about the ups and downs that we usually go through with our relationship. It's probably because I feel that I could manage it on my own or talk it out with him. It usually works; but not all the time. And frankly speaking, now's one of those not-all-the-time times.

I just had to let this out.

Every now and then, we get into fights. They say that's normal for any kind of relationships, and I do believe in that. But I never thought that the pain attached to it is so hard to handle even if that fight would only last for a couple of hours. It's never easy and I always end up crying. I am afraid of him. And I always get hurt whenever he shouts at me on the phone, suddenly hangs up on me while I'm still talking, and constantly makes me feel that I'm not a good girlfriend.

Most of the time, I spend my nights crying coz I do not know what else I could do. There are some things that I could not tell him because I'm too afraid of his reaction. I just wish that one day he could see me as someone he really wants to spend his lifetime with. I'm getting tired of crying and crying and crying over him..

now she's way funnier. :))

2008-09-16T08:53:00.005+08:00

Get this: the one person i really hate as of the moment invited me to be her friend in friendster. Hahahahaha i couldn't stop laughing last Sunday when i saw that email alert saying i got an invite from her. For one, i don't use friendster anymore. My account there has long been inactive and i have no intentions of opening it, let alone accepting that request. Second, she's not my friend. I believe she made that clear to me when she sent me those grueling print screen files of her ym conversations with my boyfriend way way back (oh and by the way, she also posted that in multiply for them to make a laughing stock out of it).

I have no idea what made her think that i'm gonna accept her friend request. Hahaha see you around school hun. =))

P.S. My impression of her hasn't changed at all and there's no way in heaven nor hell would i want to get near her ever again. Last term has been a torture for me, given that she was my classmate in all my science subjects. Ugh good thing I PASSED ALL THOSE COURSES! Yay for me. :))

she's hella funny

2008-09-13T08:06:00.000+08:00

I just had to let this out. Hahaha! You know, I rarely have the patience to read whatever it is posted in multiply or in other websites unless it interests me enough. When I do though, I really spend time reading and reading every bit of whatever that is. And this time, I was rather amused and had quite a good laugh at something this certain person commented about a while ago. I never really liked her, from head to foot, no matter how fashionable she tries to be. She's a classic. She never fails.. to fail everything that matters. Dreams are for people who have that drive to live to see those dreams. Unfortunately, she's stuck.. no no, she's swimming in a pool of dreams that she could not even open her eyes to the reality that even hope is giving up on her. Poor girl. Ha ha ha.

I used to hate her, to the bones. Now, I just want to sit back and laugh at every little thing she does that make her life pathetic as can be. Seriously, good luck to her.

~~~Nikki, na-inspire ako sa post mo eh. LOL!

11th term. Ugh. ;))

2008-09-12T13:43:00.005+08:00

Really, I think DLSU should do away with putting the names of the professors during enrollment season. I just found it funny and amusing at the same time that none of the professors listed in my EAF this term actually became my professors. LOL :D Oh well, I never did rely on picking professors that would suit me.

Anyway, I got through another first week again. This is gonna be my 2nd to the last term so I want to make the most out of it. I also got a very boring schedule as I only have 1 class every MWF and 3 heavy science classes every TH without any breaks from 940-1610. It is only now that I realized I should have enrolled in an MW embryolab so I would have time to breathe in between those TH classes.. but too late for that. :)) And I also have to run from SJ to STRC then back to SJ again. Haha this is gonna be fun, I just hope I would be able to lose weight as a result of those soon-to-be sprint from one building to another. :)

My professors are (I think) okay.. so far, especially with my science courses. :) I hope to do better in Orgchem2, and try my best in Embryology. I had a hard time with Compana Lec that's why I'll be focusing more on Embryo

I'll give it my best shot this time! I want to graduate naaaaaaa! :) And and I need a part-time job for next term since I only have 4 units left by that time. :))

I survived too. :)

2008-09-03T05:55:00.000+08:00

What a relief. That's all I could say.. no, no I've got more. Haha! Thesis overrrr! I survived this term's stress. Hopefully (with fingers crossed) next term I could too.. I have to! :) No more physics.. gad that's probably the lamest subject ever. Haha my crying and pleading powers worked. Imagine, that feeling of a professor wanted to fail us pa--in laboratory! It's all the registrar's fault we only got 1.0! Tsss. I'm so mad at him for making us look like we asked to be in that EH2 section. (Hello what PSYCHOLOGY student in his/her right mind would want to be in an ENGINEERING section??) Good thing he gave in coz if he did not, he already has a grievance case by now.

Next stop, OrgChem 2. YEY! :)

We were happy for some people yesterday. HAHAHAHA right Babe? Right Cho? Oh I love you two! :)

post-defense thoughts..

2008-08-28T09:58:00.000+08:00

While everybody else has been jumping up and down in relief of the thesis defense that just transpired, I was not. Well, let's just say there's only a small part of me that kind of felt happy about it but in the end, I still am not in the mood to rejoice.

The defense was okay (in the fullest sense of the word), beside the fact that I caught two of our panel dozing off for a few seconds while we were already presenting the results. I couldn't blame them though, since we were the very last group to present. They didn't ask much questions about our study, which was a surprise. But then, I heard Sir Bob talking to Dr. Sta Maria on why they didn't throw too many questions to us. He said that even though our hypotheses didn't match our results, we were able to discuss properly why that happened and present information that could support our results. Kaya wala na silang matanong. I don't know if that was a good thing or what.

My mood didn't change since last night that's why I'm trying to make up for it by eating lots and lots of m&m's peanut with Boogie Wonderland for my background music. This is what PMS could do to me sometimes.

I still have to study for physics lab. Tomorrow would be the first (and last!) time I'm going to have a final exam in Andrew. I can't believe they even hold final exams there.

I can't wait for my course cards (except for physics :-/ ). I hope my OrgChem final grade would be okay. I kinda didn't like the final exams, even though most of it was way easy. I really hate multiple choice type of tests.

See you all on Tuesday (or tomorrow if you're in school)! Let's all have dinner!! Hahaha for those who'll get their course cards for the very last time. :)

HELL WEEK :|

2008-08-24T17:34:00.000+08:00

Thesis Defense on Wednesday.. plus a handful of final exams! What the..

I just wish Physics is just as easy as OrgChem.. :((
I don't like that subject at all, not to mention our very very gwapo of a professor. Oops. Hahaha!

.. oh well back to work! :))

hella funny! LOL =))

2008-08-12T12:50:00.000+08:00

I could not contain myself from laughing my head off. HAHAHAHA!

I stumbled upon this blog from Nadine's and I just can't help it. I had to post it as well. LOL!!!

Click HERE! and HERE!

Lasallians, SAVE AGNO

2008-08-02T07:37:00.000+08:00

PETITION TO SAVE AGNO!

Sign sign sign guys!!! :) EGI, shattapppp! Hahaha!

My love for the boy who lived..

2008-07-19T19:29:00.007+08:00

I have been surfing the net for about an hour or so, but I couldn't find a topic to blog about until I stumbled upon my friend's video post in multiply. It was a teaser trailer on the Half Blood Prince. It hit me like a huge Howler blowing up in my face. Haha! Time really flies by so fast. I remember my first Harry Potter book, which my mom bought when I was in 7th grade. It wasn't actually for me, she bought it for herself, to read. :) I wasn't much of a bookworm back then; in fact, I hated books without pictures! But then, I was a little bit curious about it, and so I read the book chapter by chapter, when my mom wasn't reading it. Before I knew it, I was already done and I found myself asking her to buy me the next book. And that was how it all started. It was my mom's fault. Hehehe!

In a matter of 4 months.. I will be lining up again in the cinemas just to be able to watch the boy who brought out the bookworm in me. Well I haven't been reading much lately but he taught me how to handle a book and read it with passion for the story written between its pages. I love reading now, and I couldn't wait for the next movie of my all time favorite book. I missed him! Haha! The Half Blood Prince is my most favorite book in the series but I don't want to set too much high expectations on the movie. Let's just see if they could capture the magic enclosed in that book. Oh my God, I will be thinking about this till the 21st of November. :))

Love is in the air, but tragedy lies ahead and Hogwarts may never be the same again...

lalala

2008-07-04T14:40:00.003+08:00

I DON'T LIKE PHYSICS AT ALL. SCREW THAT. x_x
grrrrrrrrr.

there's a pep rally going on downstairs. whew. haha the animo high's getting it on again.
well i'm not a UAAP fan but i'm still rooting for my school. :)

ANIMO LA SALLE!

missing you..

2008-07-01T15:34:00.003+08:00

Feel good Saturday

2008-06-28T13:29:00.004+08:00

I found it quite amusing and funny that Embassy's temporarily closed at the moment. Well actually, I don't really care. Haha it just makes me laugh how people rant and feel bad about it. Guys, the club's overrated. Get a move on.

Anyway, I'm kinda feeling a whole lot better after 2.5 days of having a really bad flu. Though my muscle pains have gone, my cough and colds are still persisting. I'm already using up all our tissue here, so I hope it'll get better soon. It's also because of this that I didn't get to go at the Retreat. Mom discouraged me to go; she said she won't be able to stop worrying about me because I might get sick all of a sudden there. Sooo instead of waking up before 6am, I decided to just continue resting. I needed it; I haven't got much rest this week.

I miss you Babe. Let's get well sooooon okay? Lucky 7 Months to us! :)

Manila day is review day

2008-06-24T16:34:00.004+08:00

I'm trying to do an overhaul of this site but it's reallyy really hard. I forgot how to do html and stuff like that so I guess I gotta study it again.

Oh well, I still have to review for Orgchem so I won't be able to do this just yet.

Oh wait, I miss you Babe. :)
I love you Mr. Chinito hahaha!

Copied from Hazel :)

2008-06-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

Ten Things You Want To Say To Ten Different People:

*Guess who*

1. it's been a really long while since i last saw you. magpakita ka naman pag may lakad yung kada.. :)
2. ikaw muna ililibre ko tom aside from you-know-who. hahaha cinorner mo ko kanina eh :) *hug*
3. i misssssss you and i love you :) hope you can finish your thesis this term na.. :) if wala kang makuhang actor, ako nalang. JOKE :))
4. thanks for keeping me company going home :) i really find it nice talking to you.*hug*
5. sorry if hindi nako nakakasama sa outing/lakad/etc. (i guess this goes to a lot of people.. not just to one particular person..)
6. i know i've been kinda bitchy a few terms back but just wanna let you know that i'm still here. ;) t'was just a phase, i'm sorry.
7. i really really really miss talking to you.. you seem so near, yet i couldn't open up to you anymore like i used to. hope we could catch up some time. :)
8. sana mas nabigyan tayo ng chance to be close. :(
9. thanks for believing in me and thank you so much for reaching out to me whenever i needed to let out something. it's funny coz way way back, hindi nga kita kinakausap, pero now ikaw pa talaga yung nagbibigay ng effort to talk to me. i'm okay now. :)
10. you give me something that makes me happy and scared at the same time. i love you. :) and oh, you still make my heart skip a beat when i'm around you.

Nine Things About Yourself:

1. i love pastas and anything italian.
2. i get frustrated easily.
3. i want to sleep. always.
4. i really don't like talking in front of people. i talk fast when i get nervous.
5. i love nsync and westlife no matter what happens to the world.
6. i spend most of my money on shoes.
7. i love reading. :)
8. i want to try living alone. for a change.
9. i also love writing. hmm.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart

1. be yourself.
2. be galante ---> i second this. :))
3. write me unexpected letters.
4. be nice to me even if i'm not to you.
5. be honest with just about anything and everything about you.
6. feel me. think&feel before you act.
7. i love surprises. go figure!
8. kiss me on the forehead.

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind a lot Through the Day:

1. thesis stress level ko tumataas.. ng tumataas. (wala pa ngang ginagawa. haha)
2. so far, madali pa ang orgchem: naming! hahahahahah!
3. nakakatamad gumawa ng prelab journal. pffftbbbt!
4. gusto ko nalang matulog. :|
5. dumadami na silaaaaa. HAHA! isa isa isa isa lang..
6. namimiss ko na ang Globe.. *sigh*
7. babe. <333

Six Things You Wish You Did:

1. took up chem1 during my 2nd term in my 2nd year. :|
2. hindi nalang nagtry mag-shift. sana hindi ako delayed. pafhksadfhht.
3. not succumb to mediocrity.
4. be less emotional on almost everything.
5. be a better friend.
6. not blame myself for anything that goes wrong.

Five Turn Offs:

1. BAD BREATH.
2. EMO.
3. yeah, jologs porma na rin. wala nang ibang term eh =))
4. feeler.
5. immaturity --> me too.

Four Songs That Describe Your Life:

1. Love - Matt White
2. 4Ever - The Veronicas
3. Lullaby - Augustana
4. First time - Lifehouse

Three Things You Want To Happen:

1. graduate in JUNE 2k9!
2. work in a multinational company while doing my masters.
3. eurotrip with karlo. (haha matagal tagal pa toh.) =))

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die:

1. skydive..scubadive..lahat ng may -dive. =))
2. get married and die happy and satisfied.

One Confession:
when i love, i give everything. :) but this time i learned to reserve something for myself.

Spiritual Warfare

2008-05-28T17:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I had the Hillsongs playlist in my ipod but for some weird reason, I have not listened to it. I also find myself lately praying as fast as I can before I sleep. I feel so drained, empty, and lost. And I only realized the reasons why on my way home a while ago. I hesitated a bit, but I decided to listen to the songs just the same. Wala pang 10 minutes, tears were already flowing down my cheeks. I guess I just couldn't take all the problems that're piling up in my face everyday. I've been worrying a lot about a hell lot of things lately; I thought I'm strong to be able to carry my own cross, which gets heavy by the minute.. But I'm not. I've reached the point wherein I wondered and asked Him what I did to deserve this. Yes I committed 1 mistake, but should I be punished for a very long time because of that? It just hurts. I couldn't stop crying the whole trip home until now. I just wish He'd take away all the pain that I'm feeling right now so I could live my life once again. I don't want to pretend I'm okay; it's hard when deep inside, everything's broken.

Daig ko pa nag-worship sa kakaiyak. Oh well, it's good that I was able to release part of what's bothering me.

_____________________________________________________________________________

The Potter's Hand by Darlene Zschech

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, all my days are held in Your hands, crafted into Your perfect plan
You gently call me into Your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your Holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, Mold me, Use me, Fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, Guide me, Lead me, Walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

You gently call me into Your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
I'm captured by your Holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, Mold me, Use me, Fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, Guide me, Lead me, Walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

Life in Globe...

2008-05-07T15:42:00.000+08:00

is... fun, tiring, and crazy.

Just don't go asking me for prepaid load coz I don't get that here, haha! Working at the HR Group - Service Delivery Center Division - Staffing Department is really one helluva ride. When you mean RECRUITMENT, RECRUITMENT talaga. It's in our office where all the Manpower Requisition Forms (MRFs) from all the different Globe offices are processed. My first week was pa-easy easy lang pero as the days go by, goodluck! Hahaha! Oh well, I'm kinda running out of time to complete my required number of hours but I'm having a good time even though I have to go overtime this week. I arrived today at 6:52 in the morning...... it's 7:36 in the evening already. And I don't feel like going home yet. :)) This is my life. LOL. Wala si Sir Noy tomorrow till Friday so Jeal and I get to use his office to work. YAY! Hahaha! Matatapos na mga ka-OJT ko, ako hindi pa. BOOOO! Pero we're all planning to extend eh, so good times. :) We can't leave Ms. Anne yet.. ang daming trabahong naghihintay. Hehe. :))

I don't want to compute for my allowance yet. I'll just wait till I get my hands on it by the end of my practicum. ALL MINE! =))

BUT.. I'm still paranoid about that case presentation on May 16. Goodluck Nash. Pero at least I don't need to make a Powerpoint, yahoo! :))

Goodluck Nash.. Patay patay. HAHAHAHA!

happy monthsary to me...

2008-04-25T17:09:00.002+08:00

This past few days was full of twists and turns that I barely have time to keep up and breathe. At the start of the week, all I had were anxieties; it especially came to multiply when I thought I won't be able to get an appointment with the company that i applied for for my practicum. And also, I had to compete with the time he's got in his hands..

There's not a day during this week that I didn't cry myself to sleep. At first, it was all about my practicum.. But then, it evolved into a much more serious dilemma. Am I that selfish? Do I always think of myself in terms of the time he's giving or not giving me? So much has changed ever since this summer practicum started.. And most of the time I find myself lost in thought because of the so many things that's been happening; all I could do is cry. Cry over the little things, cry whenever I'm alone crossing the streets of Manila, and cry whenever we have our petty fights. I do realize that I am a selfish person, but is it wrong, for me to demand a little more time from you? Is it wrong when I want to talk to you over the phone late at night just before you sleep because I know that you won't be able to spare some moments for me in the office? Is it wrong to ask you to text me, or at the least check on me?

I don't know how I am supposed to react to these things. I guess I don't have any right to feel bad whenever I feel that I'm neglected. That's what I've been feeling since Tuesday; I don't want to pretend anymore that I'm all good.

Every minute, I check on my phone hoping to get a message from you. While I'm walking the crowded streets of Manila, I even hold my phone on one hand because I wouldn't want to miss your text just in case you send me one. I guess I have waited too much in vain for you. I understand, you're busy and you have to put your job at number 1 in your priority list. I hope I could someday live up to that.. Someday, I hope.

Happy 5th Monthsary [tomorrow] BABE! I hope you're not mad at me anymore.. :( I won't try to call you anymore because I know you don't want to talk to me. I don't know if you'll be able to read this but I hope I could get a message from you sometime later. :( I miss you so much. :(

shoo you.

2008-04-18T11:23:00.002+08:00

I hate it when people can't seem to have their originality.
While their horse-like faces are pasted all over the web, they also copy stuff out of other people's websites.
It's a sad sad world [for them].

grades grades..

2008-04-17T10:16:00.001+08:00

Seeing this was a great relief to me.. Everything paid off..
But then, The real challenge begins next term.
Aim for Best Thesis daw. :)
(dapat ganito pa rin grades nating 3)

Receiving this too was something..

Until when I saw my grades in My.Lasalle.
Where's my 3.5? What happened?

The TAFT life :))

2008-04-16T04:47:00.000+08:00

Whether you're an alumni fresh out of La Salle, a green-blooded undergraduate student, an incoming Freshman this May, or an aspiring student for God and Country.. This is for you. HAHAHA! (dapat may "after course card distribution" din eh. :)) )

*copied from Dianne

Every New Trimester:After First Week:After Second Week:Before the Mid-Term Test:During the Mid-Term Test:After the Mid-Term Test:Before the Final Exams:Once You Get to Know the Final Exam Schedule:7 Days Before the Final Exam:6 Days Before the Final Exam:5 Days Before the Final Exam:4 Days Before the Final Exam:3 Days Before the Final Exam:2 Days Before the Final Exam:1 Day Before the Final Exam:The Night Before the Final Exam:1 Hour Before the Final Exam:During the Final Exam:After Stepping Out From the Finals Room:After the Final Exam, During the Holiday:

Summer? NOT.

2008-04-11T09:08:00.000+08:00

After 3+ months of burning my brows for Chem and Physics, cramming for papers, staying up late (but not that late) for thesis and spending most of my time worrying about grades, finally I can rest. This is the suckiest term ever. I didn't even go out (well prolly just one or twice); what a loser. Now all I have to do is to wait in vain for my course cards. And oh, to adjust for OrgChem Lec and Lab as well. :|

_____________________________________________________________________________

I'm excited to see our panel grades in the defense. Haha but I actually thought they didn't like our topic. My heart sanked a bit while I was reporting the Review of Related Literature because Sir Valencia was yawning and Ms. Lapena was just writing notes. That's why I kinda ate my words while presenting it. Scary. Haha but Ms. May Ann said they did like our presentation better than the executive summary that we gave them and yeah.. that's a good thing. :) Although I wasn't able to answer any of Ms. Lapena's questions kasi naman nakakatakot siya. Thanks to my thesismates who tried their best to explain thoroughly. :) Yay it's over.. but not for long. Dirpsy2 coming soon in a month. Oh no. :)) Go for best thesis hahaha!

_____________________________________________________________________________

No summer again. Hayyyy Practicum na. I'm still clueless about how we're supposed to start that; I still haven't done my resume. Oh well, I'm gonna see Sir Javier again.. Haha I missed him! Seriously. :))

Hope my grades are okay. :| Physicssssss! Gaaa. x_x

...

2008-04-10T04:50:00.000+08:00

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

ILC Cebu, anyone? :)

2008-04-06T08:06:00.000+08:00

16th YFC-ILC at CEBU next year!

Rar. I AM DEFINITELY GOING. Haha!

I wasn't able to go this year to Tagaytay because of my finals..

But next year, I will. YAY!

And nothing, no one can stop moi.

I'm excited. Hahaha!

let's get this over with. :)

2008-03-27T08:30:00.004+08:00

There's nothing like a "very good" comment on your thesis draft. :) Really, it makes me want to write and do more. After all those nerve-wracking moments of trying to find the right words, sentences, and citations to fill that empty Microsoft Word page, it's quite a relief to hear those kind words from Ms. Garo. To my thesis mates Karlo and Patty, you guys have done a great job. I'm super grateful for the most responsible groupmates ever. :) I'll try my very best to revise as much as I can.

I haven't even read the whole 43-page draft that we came up with. *wooh* haha I'll do that tonight. :)

April 9 defense.. Brace yourself. =))

TGIGF

2008-03-21T10:24:00.000+08:00

I know I shouldn't be doing any work right now but I have to. Relsfor really is one hassle of a subject. We have to do a final paper minimum of 25 pages. Great.

19 pages to go. Hahaha! Gotta work those writing powers of mine. Konting bola bola lang toh. LOL. :P

Pioneer Highlands, here I come. (I'm staying behind; my family's going to the province latur..)

This weekend is gonna be a bummer. I have to finish half of this paper before I get back to school on Monday.

Easter Egg Hunt at mi casa on Sunday. 70+ eggs (that means, 70+ prizes at stake!), can you believe that? Haha I wonder how we'll be able to find those. :) Fun fun. :)

Spellbound

2008-03-16T09:03:00.003+08:00

I believe so much in fairy tales as a little girl.
I would always bug my dad about buying me a new tape that I could sit down and watch while doing my puzzles and legos.
I grew up knowing that there's someone out there for me.
Just for me.

I stumbled upon relationship upon relationship in the past.
In search for the right one, I got myself entangled with the wrong ones..
I got crushed, broken, and miserable.
It took me a long while to put my missing pieces back together,
and that's when you came.

I was like an innocent child.
I didn't know what to do, because though you were there for me all this time, the feeling was different.
It was weird; but it felt good.
And so I fell under your spell.

...to be continued

ILY :)

2008-03-15T13:13:00.002+08:00

Wow, that was quick. After less than a minute, he called. :) TWICE.

And he's not even at home online. Hihi. God is good. :)

t h e s i s

2008-03-15T12:47:00.005+08:00

I always find myself stopping to do some other stuff when I'm doing something for DIRPSY1. I'm stressed, really. The supposedly 4-page introduction that I've been doing stretched up to 6 pages. Whooo, I guess that would be all right.. I hope.

I can't concentrate properly. Darn. Bad bad bad day.

And yeah, I'm bored to death. Call me.

^_^

2008-03-14T14:09:00.002+08:00

i wanna start something new. something clear. something substantial and something i could put my hopes for.

this is your chance. :)

monsters and tears

2008-03-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

i used to be this little girl who cries whenever i see monsters in my dreams only to realize 18 years later that the world is ruled by monsters and if i dont strive to be different, i'll be just like everyone else (Lopez, 2008).

nice.

2008-03-12T22:52:00.002+08:00

how desperate can one person get to delete another person's account in every website?

yun yung mga walang magawa sa buhay. haha.

SO SICK. (and it's not because of love songs)

2008-02-27T21:25:00.007+08:00

whatever's going on in my head right now is just plain crazy. i can't explain how i feel and what i am suppose to feel. i don't know why people fool around in places they aren't suppose to be. it's just so freaking sick.

karma is on its way. guess it's time for you to set things straight before it's damn too late.

one big failure

2008-01-04T10:51:00.000+08:00

since the moment i read that email from my chem prof, i've never been the same. i found myself staring blankly into space, not knowing what to do because i practically can't do anything about it and that's what's eating me up. i can't accept it; i don't want to accept it. i've never failed any subject! i can't fail.. i'd like to think that there's just something wrong with the grading, like maybe she messed something up.. but all my hope has been lost. all my fears about failing a course has dawned upon me.. all those fears became reality. i don't want to stay until 5th year just because of all our Chem courses.. i'm already delayed and this is what i get? i studied hard for that final exam, i studied for almost a week--hindi na nga ako masyado nag-aral for Sensper and my Chem lab, tas 38% lang nakuha ko sa finals na yun? i've never felt such a huge failure before.. it's just stupid.

i hate this. i hate everything.

christmas etc.

2007-12-19T16:24:00.000+08:00

6 more days before christmassssss! I promise to be a good girl so that I can get all I want this season. Hihi! I have to go out tomorrow; have to get that white pumps to go with my dress on Christmas Eve. :)

Friday, will go out with my High School barkada. Oooh I can't wait! Babe's coming with us, and you know that adds a little something something. :)

Sunday, YFC Christmas Party at Janelle's place. I really miss them so much, I need to find something to wear on this one. Haha!

Hope I could get a laptop. damn i need it for thesis. Oh please please please.

start of something new

2007-11-26T19:27:00.000+08:00

If only I could kiss you every second I fancy, I would.
You're the only one who could make my heart race so fast I have to catch my breath.
I never expected US. I never expected it to be YOU.
I know this won't be some fairytale; it would never be.
But I still believe in romance and I'm glad that I've got YOU.

I LOVE YOU, BABE! :)

;)

2007-11-22T19:21:00.000+08:00

FOLLOW THROUGH is my song for you. :)

...whether you like it or not. haha!

untitled

2007-11-17T20:21:00.000+08:00

My Devpsyc homework is sucking the life out of me right now. To add to the stress that that itsy bitsy homework brings me, I still don't know what's happening to our Psyclin paper, which btw is also due on Monday. Anjo said that he'd send me the data tonight or if not, tomorrow. Dang, well as of now, I haven't received any file from him and I'm getting anxious about that already. I badly need a timeout. ARGGGGGGH!

Is it Globe or mabagal ka lang talaga magreply ngayon?! Tsk tsk tsk. Nakakainis!

saturday morning visit

2007-11-17T11:51:00.000+08:00

Thanks for bringing my Sensper book all the way from QC and for bringing me breakfast.
Hihi. :)

confusion

2007-11-10T12:39:00.000+08:00

LSS ~ Your Guardian Angel by the red jumpsuit apparatus

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the many things that's been happening to me. Am I that passive and apathetic? :| I'm so confused.. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel or do.

I'm torn between something (someone) that I haven't even seen and something that's already been staring at me for a very long long time..

crazy student rants

2007-11-08T21:28:00.001+08:00

My anxiety is creeping in again.
I'm tired of feeling this way but I really can't stop myself.

WHEW. I need a vacation, a timeout, a break.
Since my 2nd year in college, I wasn't able to experience a summer vacation or a sweet term break at the least.
Psychology, why are you doing this to me? Why are you torturing us?

Err anyway, still have to finish my self-critique for my Informative Speech, afterwhich I'm gonna work on our Psyclin homework about Schizophrenia. Voldemort's going to call us again tomorrow, one by one, for recitation. That's Avada Kedavra for all of us. hahaha!

failing.. falling.

2007-11-08T11:29:00.000+08:00

2nd long exam in Chem almost made my brain bleed..

For the very first time in 20 years, I came to a point where I was literally staring at my test questionnaire. I was hoping that answers would pop up out of it.. but NO, there wasn't any. The problems were HARD. 'nuff said. I thought the multiple choice part would be relatively easy.. I thought wrong. I'm soooo screwed. :(( I don't want to see my score, it'll just make me feel bad all over again.

I'm so gonna fail that test. :((
DARN.

and then there was drama.. again.

2007-11-06T15:41:00.000+08:00

I FEEL SO DRAINED. EMPTY. STUPID.

Lately, it seems that I've become soooooo inefficient. Most of my time were spent with my mind wandering somewhere out there.

I miss being so carefree about everything. I don't want to worry too much coz it's killing me but what could I do? :(

I BADLY NEED AN INSPIRATION RIGHT NOW. darn.

future boyfriend, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

ayun, lovesick lang pala. tsk.

After 1537384927 years..

2007-10-25T14:50:00.001+08:00

...WHOO I'M BACK MANG JACK! HAHAHA!

it's been a while.. i tried to make a new blog but i couldn't understand HTML anymore--can't edit the codes :(( so i figured that it's best that i use this good ol' blog of mine again. :D i missed this haha!

make way for my new set of rantings. right now i'm not pissed but most of the time I AM--because of one sick freak of a person. anyhoo that's all for now. hehe I WANT A NEW BLOG STILL!

(*sigh* bakit kasi binago bago na ng google toh.. :(( )

bicol and away!

2007-04-12T15:05:00.000+08:00

i'm leaving for Bicol tonight.

whooooooo... the anticipation builds up.

it'll be one helluva weekend for all of us. :)

loveless is more

2007-04-03T12:35:00.000+08:00

today, april 3 2007.

exactly 1 year and 6 months.

i still am boyfriend-less..

not that i'm in need of one..

it's just a little funny to think coz it's not like me.

I'M happy single. i'd rather be, than have someone who'd just be another stupid sicko in my life. :)

whooooooooo :)

2007-04-02T17:35:00.000+08:00

yoohoo last day of compana today! don't have to deal with them kitties anymore from now on hahaha!!! but i think i'm gonna fail the theoretical part of the exam.. i swear i just wanted to sleep while i was looking at the test paper because no answers can seem to make their way to my cerebral hemispheres.. booness. oh well, i actually slept some 15 minutes while on the test. that was how sleepy and bored i was.. my mind's on vacation mode already that's why i couldn't study well anymore. haha!

expsyla defense tomorrow. BOO BOO BOO. i so hate that subject.. and the teacher? well she was okay in lecture but lab?? my God i just don't like the way she handles us. i guess i really got used to ms.lajom's way of teaching and handling lab classes. oh well, wish our group luck tomorrow.. i didn't do anything for the paper. haha EH they didn't give me a chance eh.. they did everything. bahala na..

4 more days 4 more days to goooooooooo! come the 11th, i don't have any class na. weehee don't have any final exams.. isn't that sweet? (finals is from 11-17) can't wait for BICOL! i haven't paid the fee for the transpo.. si mama na raw bahala dun. :P and oh, change of plans for the 21st.. waa no more beach. it'd be too expensive if we push through with it kasi. i guess redbox/swimming/sleepover nalang. basta before my summer classes starts, dapat may social life ako. heehee! :D pray for me pray for me please :)

everything hazy..

2007-03-30T12:06:00.000+08:00

To nothingness,

As a kid, I dreamed of butterflies, fairytales and shooting stars. I wanted to be one with them or be like them in a way. I was always the carefree little kid who gets bruised once in a while. Yes, I would cry--a lot; would only stop when given a candy or the assurance that everything would be all right. And then I made friends, friends--or so I call them--who took me for granted. Friends who'd only be there when moments are good; otherwise, it's alone time. I didn't expect much of them, partly because we were kids and prolly because I knew that somewhere in time, we had to grow apart… and I was right. I never saw them again.

I said goodbye to Barbies and Pollypockets and made way for high heels and printed tops. I was allowed to shop for my clothes and whatever I fancy. I learned about boys--the likes of them who'd make fun of every little thing they set eyes on. I realized they were not at all bad--because they're mean! Okay I was half-serious about the latter sentence; they, sometimes, can be a little bit nice when the need arises.

I struggled to keep my grades up--even though I wasn't able to meet my parent's expectations of me. I found my true friends who gained my trust and loyalty, and who proved to me that they never will cease loving me. I loved them too. There were there when I first got my heart taken and broken and continued to support me. They're my bestfriends; my soulmates. Somewhere along the way though, I almost lost track of them… I almost lost them. But they didn't let me go, inspite of my imperfections and insecurities, they still held on to me tight and I'm just glad they did.

I knew I was a big girl already. I was ready for everything… or was I? No I wasn't. Because just when I thought I was ready for Love, I wasn't. Prom night would have been the best night of my life if I was with him. It would have been memorable if I wasn't crying in his arms throughout the dance. And it would have been sweet if it was "I love you" he’s whispering in my ear… not "I'm sorry..". It would have been happy. I would have been happy if he didn't leave me. But he did and no one’s gonna change that. Love wasn't ready for me.

He broke my heart not just once, but thrice--and I guess without him knowing. I was miserable and tired--tired of not just bruises in my heart; I was tired of thinking what could've been for the both of us. It was not easy.

Sure, I gave another random Romeo a chance to hurt me, but I wasn't surprised anymore when he crushed me and left me shattered. It was difficult to get up and regain my old self back but I knew I had to. I am strong… I had to be… even if I knew deep in my soul that I wasn't.

I didn't trust any boy after that fateful night in Westin anymore. I gave myself away and sadly, I still am in the process of getting up--even after all this time. Maybe somewhere along the way I will find who I'm looking for but I don't think I'm all ready for that now. It's just so hard to fully trust a person--only to get hurt in the process. I guess only time can tell when I would be able to risk my fragile heart again.

Yes… I once dreamed of fairytales and butterflies and shooting stars. I've cried a thousand times and not only did I get my knees bruised, I had my heart stabbed until I've got nothing else to offer. I grew apart from my childhood self… I'm a big girl now. The big girl who in vain still believes in happy endings… mine just haven't started yet, and perhaps it won't end like fairytales do… it simply won't end. I guess that's good enough for me after all that I've been through. :)

- natasha

cheer up!

2007-03-28T15:04:00.000+08:00

All that a girl needs is a guy...

just one guy,

who would be man enough

to prove to her..

that not all men are the same.

this is the shit

2007-03-28T11:48:00.000+08:00

i can't believe i'll be reaching this point in my life wherein i literally hate everything and everybody in it.

i got pissed off for the nth time today and it's not even noon. kyle almost made me cry when he unintentionally called me stupid. i know i know that's just so sensitive of me but i couldn't help it, i'm just so vulnerable lately coz of all the stress i've been going through. no matter how hard i try to stay calm, at the end of the day, there's just nothing i could do but let the tears fall. 5 majors is a killer, add it up to 5 units of compana. i didn't even take full load this term--yet it is still so hard to keep my pace in all things.

my world is slowly crumbling apart.. what i thought to be something that i could handle is anything but.

i feel so bad when everybody's with their friends fooling around.. because on top of it all, still standing on where i stood before, i still don't know who my real friends are. it's just sad. and if you think that this entry is stupid and i'm just scouring for attention.. well in the first place, i didn't ask for you to read it.

i'm sorry.. and i'm sorry again
i will die try to feel better..

HAPPY HAPPY ME!

2006-11-17T09:20:00.001+08:00

this is HAPPINESS:

* hot cafe latte with extra whipped cream on a cold rainy afternoon..

* accumulating stickers for that starbucks planner..

* chatting with seatmates while the annoying professor struggles to keep the noise down.. hahaha!

* kfc extreme hotshots drenched in gravyyyyyy!

* mcdonald's french fries swimming in ketchup.. drooooool!

* laughing to my lung's content in the 4th floor of the LIBRARY. HAH!

* staying up in yuchengco computer lab doing nothing but surf.

* having a locker to where i can dump my stuff for the day..

* consuming a glass of gulaman from z2..

* the pleasure of teasing karlo every second i fancy.. >:)

* the great delight/amusement/entertainment of hearing kyle speaking in tagalog! mwahaha! >:)

* sitting at SJ walk to pick and stare at people passing by.. meanie!

* taking random pictures with blockies..

* doodling on my notebooks during my Litera1 class..

* posting pictures in my multiply account--and getting lotsa replies. lol!

* receiving testimonials from mappy. awww..

* fine! receiving testimonials from everyone else important to me as well.. hehe!

* joking around when everybody's all quiet..

* being a meanie to the people i make fun of. haha!!!

* getting hugs and kisses.. *sigh*

* reading jokes and unleasing the sense of humor within. hahaha!

* eating too much it makes me laugh so bad at myself during breaks. haha!

* boy watching with nixi.. :))

* receiving a text message from my crush when i very least expect it.

* replying.. :)

* until he bids me goodbye; leaving me wide awake in the middle of the night thinking about him. :)

I LOVE THE WAY I LIVE. :)

irrationality

2006-11-16T09:04:00.000+08:00

MY IRRATIONAL BELIEFS FOR THEOPER!
i actually had fun formulating it.. even at first natatamad akong gawin. heehee!

1. it's okay to answer back to older people as long as YOU HAVE A POINT. it's not healthy to hold your silence even if you know you are right. right? :D

2. forgiving is one thing, FORGETTING is another story in another planet. hehehe.. at least you did forgive. :P

3. when in a relationship, the first problem that a couple encounters in the course will be the one among the many that they will always fight about.

4. love is not at all sweet the second time around. 'nuff said.

5. trying hard is useless if you're too hard on yourself. spontaneity dear.

6. it's okay to lie as long as it's for the good of everyone else--and won't bring trouble to you. >:)

7. no man is an island so there's no sense in minding your own business. (labo! :))

8. giving yourself fully to one person is stupid.. keep your pride and dignity at all costs. it helps.

9. i'm a very sentimental person. to the extent that i value ALL the things that made their way to me whatever it may be. PROMISE. i value my past as much as i value my present. talk about being irrational.. labo ko talaga. ahaha! :P

10. there's no harm in LOVING oneself before others. for how can you give out love when you yourself don't know the meaning of it?

gaaaaaaaaaaaa! it's priority enrollment day!!! just hope i'll be able to get the sections/slots that i want for next term. shetnesssssss.. i'm thinking about cutting artcomp later with cheese. dammit.

Cheese's debut 11.04.06

2006-11-06T11:02:00.000+08:00

HAPPY HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY CHEESE!

with the debutante! ;P hugsie cheese!

Nashkie and Haze! :P kulot!

with Cho! love youuuuu.. :P

with Renchi before going home/

multiply's under maintenance. grrr mode. i'll post the rest of the pics there once it's okay na.

stressed. :(

2006-10-19T08:27:00.000+08:00

grabe, this term is the busiest ever.. imagine, wala pang midterms but i'm already jampacked with exams this week.. first that 9-page long biopsych long exam, then litera1 online exam which i thought was a piece of cake.. later we're gonna have stat102 quiz 2 (i hate mean differences, it's driving me nuts), and lastly tomorrow, biosyla 2nd long exam. i haven't studied for tomorrow's exam because of stat! kakainis! i was lucky nalang talaga to get 54 over 60 on our mastery test yesterday with the help of my ever-loving-and-supportive groupmates. hayyy if not for them wala talaga akong masasagutan.. goodluck sakin bukas! x___x i will still aim for the highest though.. i can't have more than 5 mistakes. hahaha! i love the first exam.. i got only 2.5 incorrect answers. weeee! :D anyways.. enough of academic stuff. that's for me to worry about later. haha!

anyways.. i got a story to tell. just wanted to share the things that's been going around in my head since yesterday morning. just so you know i'm into someone right now. into him but he ain't into me. hahaha.. i dunno.. basta i like him. and i get all that giddy feeling whenever he's near me. i've only seen him 2 times and i guess that's the reason why i shouldn't let myself dwell on some fantasy while it's not yet too late.. hayyy.. for a very long long time, he was the one who made my heart skip a beat every second. i asked for a sign yesterday.. na sana makakita ako ng katulad nung car niya--tomorrow (technically, it's today). hindi pa ko nakakagetover sa winish ko, may nakita nako. kamusta naman yun? hahaha! and basically, i saw 3 cars like the one he has. ang aga naman ginrant yung sign sakin. haha! come to think of it though, hindi naman kasali yun sa sign eh.. bukas pa dapat (today).. hehe.. oh well, nabigay rin naman sakin yung sign. i saw one this morning, with the same color and all that. galing nga eh.. *sigh* i wish next time, we'll be able to catch up with each minus the kaba and hiya. hehehe.. :P

i love yuch comp.lab talaga! it's almost my second home.. :D

anyhooooz, i just want to say sorry for being a bit bitchy sometimes. especially in the morning when i had to take the mrt/lrt on the way to school. hehe.. :D

laugh out loud. :P

2006-10-16T10:14:00.000+08:00

what lasalle campaigns for weekly never fails to make me laugh.. eh kasi naman! HAHAHA!

last week t'was this:

ANG GUNTING HINDI LANG NAKAGUGUPIT... NAKAMAMATAY.

and then this week, eto naman:

ALCOHOL, ALCOHOL.. KAYA KA BUBULOL-BULOL.

naman! hahaha! could they be any funnier? =))

stupid+stupid=happiness?

2006-09-26T08:08:00.000+08:00

okay.. haha.. this morning before i went to school i was listening to Magic and i just couldn't stop thinking about their topic for today. partly because it was kinda funny and crazy and the other part was because maybe (just maybe) it really is true. now on with the radio conversation. Mo Twister's philosophy on love was this: smart people end up in really bad relationships. and stupid people (okay, let's just call them 'idiots' for euphemism's sake--LOL they're just the same! but anyway..) just hit it off just right. fine, explanation! you see, people who are smart and with extremely high levels of I.Q. usually use their MINDS over their HEARTS. they tend to seek reasons for every actions; they tend to be very OBJECTIVE on almost everything--which in my opinion is true! "smart" people see themselves as "rational" beings, 'nuff said. on the other hand, not-so-smart individuals (when they stick together and then *poof* enter a relationship) live happily. why? because they make the most out of what they have. they don't "try" to find all the explanation in the world.. they accept themselves and their partner for who they are and just be casual. i hope i'm making enough sense in here because i think that Mo really has a point. unfortunately.. that brings me to the conclusion that maybe i'm not stupid. wehh don't get me wrong.. think about this, all my past relationships suck. really, yeah, they suck bigtime man. all of 'em went right into the dumps.. so what does that make me. maybe a smart one.. sometimes (just sometimes) i tend to question every action that one does. i want to understand everything that's happening in the relationship even if it's a pretty hard thing to do. i can be very annoying for some reason because i want to know the things that my partner thinks. damn.. i just realized what a sicko i can be sometimes. no wonder i couldn't get myself into something sensible and lasting. anyways, that's just something i want to let out for the moment.

and oh, can i just say that Paris Hilton is so crappy? have you ever seen her sing live? have you ever seen her promote her so-called album? NO. so what does that make her? hayyy.. okay, i'll stop criticizing her na. i just hate her face and everything about her, she ain't pretty even! hehehe.. :D

boo lovesickness!

2006-09-21T08:19:00.000+08:00

September 23, 2005--the last time I said yes to a guy. man, it's almost been a year since that not-so-faithful day. i'm hoping that i wouldn't remember it this saturday. haha, i'm gonna be busy this weekend so it's all good.. hmmm.. sometimes though, i miss being in a relationship. i miss those giddy feelings you get up your spine whenever that special someone is around. i miss having to share life with someone significant. bottomline is, i miss those happy moments with the love of your life. however, it just sucks coz i can't imagine myself in love with someone anymore. i can't picture myself cuddled up with some random Romeo with a smile pasted on my face. you know what, i'm such a skeez when it comes to these stuff--i don't know why. i'm not sure if it's got to do with boys--or is it really me? after that that last failed relationship of mine, which took hell to get over with--i don't really know when i will let next let some guy invade and ruin my world again.. i've been through a lot of shit and i guess that made me repel guys in different ways possible. sure, i've made some crushes over the past months but i don't think i would be able to bring myself to the risk of falling in love again and eventually breaking my fragile heart in the end.

i just wish i'm just a girl without those hurts and pains in her heart. but i am Natasha, the one who was taken for granted over time.. but thank God, i was able to withstand those blows thrown upon me. goodluck to any boy who'll try to step into my little kingdom--i promise i will give you a hard time. hehe! *kidding*

i now impart to you this lovely message from God:

"No man will ever claim you unless he claims you from Me. For I reserved a man for you who has My heart and loves Me even more than he will for you. For I won't give you unless he asks you from Me. He's asleep; don't wake him. He's busy for Me, My kingdom. Soon you will know him, but I have the perfect time. You're My PRINCESS, My daughter. Let no prince claim you unless he asks you from My hand for I am your Father, the KING of Kings. YOU, My princess, ARE WORTH WAITING FOR.

CHEERS TO ALL THE GIRLS OUT THERE :)

holla at you!

2006-09-12T08:23:00.001+08:00

.booness.

i've no more time for blogging lately and i guess i never will have enough time for it anymore unlike before.. hehe. okay so i fixed my schedule yesterday, i'm happy now. though of course it wasn't easy adjusting one's sked. i like waited in line for four hours just to be entertained in the vice dean's office in less than 3 minutes. hayzz well at least i came out of it..

here it is.. mwahaha!

Course Code Section Units Day Time Room

ARTCOMP A55 3.0 T 1300 - 1430 M213
H 1300 - 1430 G404

BIOLPSY A51 3.0 TH 0940 - 1110 J303

BIOSYLA A51 2.0 MWF 0810 - 1010 J309

LITERA1 A92 3.0 MWF 1030 - 1130 M321

STAT102 A51 3.0 TH 1620 - 1750 J302

THEOPER A55 3.0 MF 1250 - 1420 Y503

i swear to God i'm gonna give it my bestest best shot this term. hehe.. i'm not gonna aim for the dean's list. i'm gonna strive to study hard and i suppose that'll come naturally. i hope that came out right. lolz..

i'm excited coz i'm back to bs-psyc. haha, just hope i won't be a major psycho the moment i graduate. *toinks* cheers..

mwahaha!

2006-08-23T15:03:00.000+08:00

i am officially on vacation by tomorrow. *hayyz* after all the hell that i've been through for the past two weeks, you don't know how glad i am to finally say "hi" with blinking eyelashes to this term's break. I'M almost done with our Engltwo final research paper. well the main reason i'm not yet allowed to take a break is because of that research. if i have it my way, i'd take all the credit for it because my so-called partner only contributed the 1st argument (out of 3) for our body and the conclusion. what the? the conclusion only makes up 0.5-1.0 page of the 15-16 page research and his argument only makes 1 page. so what's up with that? take note, i even revised most of his written works because they were either not precise or does not make any sense in accordance to the topic. i'm just thankful that this term is coming to a close and i don't ever have to deal with him again. i am sorry for being rude, but this is how i work. i hate to deal with irresponsible people and i definitely don't tolerate people who don't give a damn.

i'll see you on the 31st dear. and i do hope we don't have the same grade. :))

r.i.p.

2006-08-18T17:59:00.000+08:00

2 years ago, it was tito eris.
almost a year ago, it was charmie.
2 weeks ago, my lolo willy..
and then, just last sunday, it was djed.

why do they have to leave this world so soon?.. fine, i've accepted the fact that tito eris, charmie and lolo left us.. we're all trying to move on. but when i received the news about djed, i was caught in a daze. i didn't want to believe it because how could he have died of dengue.. i know i know, it's a dangerous illness but then.. of all people, why him? why now? damn.. it was just so.. sad. all those moments i spent with him during grade school and high school came flashing to me like wild fire..

.. lately.. i always find myself thinking about how long i still have to live my life. i'll never know when the light would eventually call me.. and it scares me at the least. i caught myself thinking, the night i learned the news on djed, about what really happens after a person's last breath..

and then i realized i wanted to know.

what if my life comes to an end at this very second?
what would YOU do?

but setting all my thoughts aside, i just wanna say that i'll miss you, djed. and also lolo.. i'll definitely miss you. of course, i won't be a Villanueva if not for you. :)

whatever days..

2006-08-16T16:08:00.000+08:00

've been very busy with school work for almost 2 weeks now and i swear to God it's getting worse. i hope to get through one more week alive, then maybe, just maybe i could happily say hello to our 2-week break. how corny, 14 or so days only. anyways, i'm currently on a short break from my defense-writing or whatever you wanna call that. it's tomorrow so i'm kinda nervous and excited at the same time. and guess what the cherry on top of this week.. i've got a long exam in economics this saturday. dammit.. mr. raymundo really is someone smart eh. activity ban this week noh, that means walang exams or any quiz for that matter.. kaya niya binigay on a saturday. tsk tsk.. oh well, the exam is actually optional but i wouldn't have any other choice either because my first long exam was so pathetic i wasn't so sure if i passed--i didn't, it was impossible. i have to take that test to pull my grade up, i can't afford to fail that subject. i can't afford to fail any subject. and the final blow of it all, i've got my only 3 finals in one day. i just HOPE i don't have to take it one after the other--that would be nasty and disappointing. ima check the schedule of the finals tomorrow.. oh please keep your fingers crossed for me.

anyways.. this really is my objective for writing again.. i dunno if you've visited my multiply homepage lately (if you have, thanks and congratulations. hahahah) but just the same, here is the sitch.

i dunno if ever you've experienced that feeling of nostalgia over something or someone that/who's not really out of your reach but is actually so close to you.. you feel like you've been losing grip over your friends even though you study in the same school.. you feel like you're already losing ground even if you're die trying to stand up for something that reality dictates is not yours.. you make believe that you're happy with your situation only to find yourself down in the dumps once the darkness of the night have already consumed you.. you cry yourself to sleep only to make your eyes swell like a tomato the next day because your tears weren't able to extinguish the loneliness that's been creeping inside you like poison.. you tell the whole world that time is the only key for you to make things right but you yourself don't believe that.. just when you think that everything is fine, it ain't.. because by then, you wake up and see that you've been alone all along.

bummer/

C.H.O.

2006-07-31T16:09:00.000+08:00

woooooo..

so what now? haha.. actually i dunno if i would be able to disclose everything that has happened in the chapter heads overnight, which happened this weekend at Mary Mother of God retreat house in Muntinlupa. we had fun.. but then again, that's an understatement. hehehe.. 4 people attended in SB2, namely leean, karen, emman and me. the other chapter heads in our cluster had to review for their college entrance examinations kasi (goodluck to you guys!).. :)

anyway, so there.. i kinda met some new friends but most of them i already forgot their names the minute they were introduced to me.. sorry na.. i really am not good with names, okay. :P i also got the chance to bond with pam, camille, and karen. (camille was my classmate in 1st grade! haha!).. my roommate was kat,and she was from south c1, she said that's somewhere near SM southmall. hehehe.. unfortunately, i didn't get to talk to her that much coz we all were busy. plus, i was always with my cluster with SB10--kasi naman konti konti namin, so i spent most of my time with them. :) haha!

i missed B10 so much.. sayang nga lang sina louis, chard, pam, camille, francis and wanda lang yung andun. ^___^ hehe.. but just the same, it wasn't so bad after all. coz sooooooooper kukulit nila!! especially lunch time sunday! my God.. we invaded the smallest table in the dining room and considering that we're only 7 in the table, we were the noisiest lot. hahaha! eh kasi naman, pagtabihin daw ba si emman, louis and chard! hehehe! rambol eh! :))

it was such an experience--being my first. i cried a couple of times during the talks for some reason. hayyyzzz.. that's typically me. hehe!

initially.. i honestly felt unworthy of being in my position. i thought that perhaps someone else should be in it.. but having heard all the talks and having contemplated on myself, i realized that God has a reason on why he placed me here. i realized that God wouldn't put me in this place if i wouldn't be able to execute this responsibility well. i know better now that he would help me carry out the mission and vision of YFC: families in the holy spirit renewing the face of the earth and to bring glad tidings to the poor, respectively. :)

CHAPTER ASSEMBLY NA 'TOH!!! AUGUST 20 FOR CHAPTER 1 - EMMANASH! MARK YOUR CALENDARS--FOR OUR MEMBERS. :)

so sick.. :(

2006-07-08T20:03:00.000+08:00

i hate being sick. and i hate having to finish those damn papers!!!
you see i haven't studied for my Inersla midterms. that's just great. :(

c.h.a.p.t.e.r.

2006-07-03T11:08:00.000+08:00

Chapter Heads: Emman and Nash.
Household Heads: Amiel & Olive, David & Sheila.

Members:
1. Leonard
2. Dominic
3. Elvin
4. Kervin
5. Marvin
6. Cherrymay
7. Christie
8. Rameses
9. Delson
10. Sherri
11. Mika
12. Bryan
13. JB
14. Carline
--------------
15. Nhica
16. Nikki
17. Nina
18. Raffy
19. Cuddles
20. Keno
21. Renan
22. Tin-Tin
23. Kat-Kat
24. Gian
25. Simon
26. Bless
27. Erik
28. York

*first half belongs to Amiel and Olive's household. the other half to David and Sheila's. =)

*CHAPTER ASSEMBLY TO BE PLANNED SOON.*

soo glad to be in this chapter! <3

lovin' it..

2006-06-29T15:20:00.000+08:00

my shifting got accepted. ^________________^

all i need now is to wait for the final list of accepted applicants in the communications department.

hayyyyy.. :D

enough is enough..

2006-06-18T10:45:00.000+08:00

i don't know why i'm doing this. i don't even know what pushed me to write. it's been a long long long while since i've done something like this and i think i actually forgot how to write--considering that that was one of my passions. this i tell you: whenever i write like this, it's either i'm perfectly happy.. or extremely sad. i guess i'm more of the latter right now..

there are a thousand thoughts squirming in my head right now and i just can't seem to find the right words to put in here. i caught myself reminiscing my life in grade school and high school while i was in front of my computer chatting with Raffy. i even had the chance of opening up to him some excerpts of the life that i chose to limit within myself. i may be all too well whenever you'd see me but there are quite a number of things that're exclusively contained in me that i don't normally pour in to other people. you see, 'you think you know me, but you've got no idea..' Carmy's right when she made a write-up for me in our CLE project during our 2nd year.. i'm a very reserved individual. there's much much more to me than what i choose to reveal to everybody. i don't even know at this point in time if anyone in this world has reached out to me to get to know the real me. no.. not a single soul has dared to do that. i don't know why.. i just wish someone knows me like i do myself.

there goes my life again.. crash. whew.. how could it be so complicated?.. when all you ever wanted is to be happy and contented..

after my last failed relationship.. i told myself that i would not allow myself to be caught in the lovebug--at least while i'm not yet completely whole again. i promised myself that i would pick up my broken pieces the best that i possibly could. ONLY.. i guess that's just too hard to accomplish. it's not that i'm not yet over him--it's not THAT. there are far more inexplainable reasons why i couldn't actually regain my old self. for one, i wasn't able to keep my promise.. that is why everything fell apart. i found myself in crush with someone but i only got frustrated. so stupid of me to engage myself in such when i'm fully aware that i wasn't prepared to be in it. i hate it simply when i don't know how to act around a certain someone. it just sucks.. that is why i told myself that i have to leave it all at that. i decided to drop everything off before it turns into something irreversible. i don't wanna be falling out of this so i think it better to stop this nonsense. i like him but that's just the way it is. can't do more about it.. i just hope i can live up to this.

forgive me for posting this. the melancholy of it all..

oh well, i wrote this after watching 'My Sassy Girl' for the first time last night. it was such a funny movie.. but i didn't expect to cry.. i was sobbing alone in front of the t.v.. i was deeply touched.. and i feel so lovesick.. :

T.G.I.F.

2006-06-16T20:37:00.000+08:00

i had my toenails done before i went home--just wanted to reward myself for the week since i got through another one alive.

i actually find blogging these days a pretty hard thing to do coz i don't have any more time to spare to gather up my thoughts and type away.. i only get to post when i'm in cybernook.. good thing it's friday night--at least i hope to finish a good one this time. hehe..

anyways.. i just love Fridays. at least for this term.. haha, i get to spend it with some of my barkada and blockmates.. and Cheese, haven't you noticed? lagi tayong magkasama pag Friday--along with Tensh? hehehe.. i hope to spend it with you guys for the rest of teh term. *hugs*

i got to bond with Cheese at SJ (the bench outside z2).. haha! we talked about our crushes.. and our lovelives.. hehehe, as if i have one! but just the same we talked and laughed to our heart's content.. *i love you Cheese!* sobrang i was so happy kasi it's been a long time since nag-usap kami ng ganon. *sigh* and super sumakit talaga tummy ko (and take note: my abs were hurting kaya hirap akong tumawa. kainez na wheel barrow and warm-up yan.. hahaha!) kakatawa dahil sa mga jokes na binabasa ni Cheese from my phone. uber benta talaga sa kanya.. haha! kaya kita love eh.. kaya yung resolution ko ngayon: kumain ng banana to ease the muscle pains sa body ko. hahaha! *saging talk*

i already submitted my shifting application to the vice dean's office this morning.. my Gawd, buti pa yung vice chair ng Psychology department ang bait.. she even wished me luck. as for the people in my college, *sigh* i just hope next time you treat your students nicely, okay? or should i say talk to 'em nicely. we need you and vice versa. hoooo.. iniz lang siguro talaga ako sa academic assistant namin. ang sungit kasi.. naturingan pang "academic assistant" eh. grrrrness! that is why i never consulted her nung nag-pa-process ako ng shifting requirements ko. kakairita siya eh. oh well..

i watched CARS a while ago with the fam, but i didn't finish it. hehe.. dvd naman eh, i can always play it. :P hayyyyy.. all i want now is a pair of new sneakers and those korean movies i saw in Ruins last week. =) haha, i swear i have to get my hands on those! :P

grabe.. tomorrow GK Congress @ Ultra.. all heads ARE EXPECTED to attend.. diba? :P haha, gising na naman ng maaga.. pero excited naman ako at the same time. i'll get to see most of them na naman. woohoo!!

*toinks

2006-06-15T09:13:00.000+08:00

only one word to describe me these days: BUSY.

it's been 4 weeks since school started and i've been drowned with a lot of.. err.. school stuff. well, come to think of it, my burden is still light since i've been taking floating subjects only--hey, my block is on with their majors already. i'm working on my shifting, asamatteroffact, i'm going back to the CCD (center for counseling development) later to seek help on what to write on the damn shifting form. hehe..

add it up to another responsibility for me to fulfill.. i'm already one of the chapter heads in our cluster.. Emman's my partner.. so yeah, i just hope i can juggle all these work in coordination.. i really really need all your support since this is a new thing for me. so help me God. :D

anyways.. know what, i almost cried myself to sleep last night. i dunno.. maybe i felt so hopeless and down. i don't know what i got myself into.. i actually told PJ that i need to get him out of my system before THIS turns into something big. gawd.. it's just so hard to accept that you have a huge question mark pasted right in front of your face because you have no idea what to do or not to do. you don't know if what you're feeling is reciprocated or not. you surround yourself with a thousand questions and still, you find yourself in question as to why you're in such a state. *deeep sigh*

okay, just forget it. x_x

:D

2006-06-07T15:45:00.000+08:00

here are some of the pics at sacramento. check out my multiply if ya wanna see the rest! :D

pose na!

assembly at SMB! wacky

rappelling!!!

asan ba kasi yung camera??!

boom Emman, take that!

water trekking!

WATERRRFALLLS!

one helluva weekend!

2006-06-06T07:07:00.000+08:00

Event(s): YFC-SB2 Summer outing and Natasha's Birthday. hahahaha!!!
Destination: Sacramento Valley Resort, Tanay Rizal
ETD: 800 hours.

grabe.. to tell you the truth, i wasn't able to sleep well the night before the outing. i was so busy answering "a lot" of text messages from people greeting me a happy birthday.. i'm not complaining though, haha.. :P so yeah, i think was only able to get 3 hours of sleep before waking up and finalizing the stuff that i was suppose to bring with me to Sacramento. Sobrang ayoko pang gumising ng 6am coz antok na antok pa ko.. but then again, hindi pwedeng ma-late for the assembly at SMB! I was still forced to wake up by my annoying alarm.. nakakairita kasi yung sound kaya sa sobrang inis gumising nalang ako para I-stop siya. I immediately went to Simon's room to wake him up. and then, I fixed myself.. before leaving, dumating na si Mama.. she went to pampanga kasi to attend a wake.. they greeted me a happy birthday then left for bicutan.. buong fam parin kami noh? Haha.. kulet. When we got there, grabe ang dami na ring tao. Hahaha! Puro birthday greetings yung natanggap ko then niloloko nila ko na libre daw sa stopover.. hahaha! Asa.. hindi nga ako binigyan ng 'rents ko ng money eh, pano ako manlilibre.. kung meron siguro, I'd love to treat all of 'em. :D

then nung malapit na kaming umalis, ako naman si hanap sa crush ko coz 8 am na wala pa siya.. Just when I was starting to feel bad.. dumating siya. *sigh.. what a relief talaga* hahahah! I told them na kumpleto na birthday ko since kasama siya sa outing. Weeee! :D and then we're off. Sa Pregio ako sumakay.. uber init sa loob ng van even though ang lakas na ng aircon, sobrang taas kasi ng sun last Sat eh promise.. non-stop kwentuhan parin and kulitan on the way.. mejo naligaw-ligaw pa kami.. ang tagal talaga ng trip na yun.. lol! Kala nga naming lahat wala nang stopover.. naglolokohan na kami sa loob na kahit sa carinderia nalang kasi sobrang gutom na gutom na kaming lahat. Lahat ng madaanan namin, laging may humihirit ng stopover eh. Katawa talaga.. good thing nung mej malapit na kami, tumigil na kami sa Jollibee--dunno where nga lang. Haha.. basta aion.. nag-take out nalang kaming lahat to save time.. pagbalik sa car, ubos na yung fries ko.. so kamusta naman yun diba? Hahaha.. kinain ko na rin yung burger ko sa van para tapos na ko. Tas nakakatawa si Leonard, ang tagal talaga niya mag-decide kung kakain ba siya or hindi. Hanggang sa nakarating na kami ng Sacramento, hindi pa siya nakakapag-start. Hahaha!

When we got to the place, we went to the session hall immediately. Dun na nag-lunch yung mga hindi pa nakakakain.. and then, nagstart na yung activity with a prayer.. teaching of songs yung una. I admit, 1/2 SW ako nung time na yun.. hindi ko na sasabihin kung bakit.. basta, as a few of you might have noticed, I was at the far back of the hall nung buong time na teaching of songs. Buti nalang, na-convince ako ni Raffie mag-participate afterwards even though na hindi pa ko masyado okay.. after that naman, I was thankful na bumuti na pakiramdam ko. Sabi ni Raffie, dun nalang daw ako sa team nila and so I joined them. Hahaha! Team HHWWMPSSP! In long terms, Holding Hands While Walking May Pa-Swing Swing Pa! Si Leonard nag-suggest niyan eh. Katuwa talaga.. nag-isip pa nga sina Leean ng cheer for our team. Lolz! After the teaching.. pumunta na kami sa barracks para dalin yung bags namin. Si Sheila yung katabi ko sa bed and sa taas kami para may fan. Waha.. :P nag-change na kami ng clothes kasi pupunta na kami dun sa adventure camp. nag-shorts nalang kami ni She kasi mainit.. when we returned to the session hall, nasa labas na lahat sila, all set for the walk to the camp. and then, just when we thought na maaliwalas na yung weather, biglang umulan. Mi gad.. ang lakas talaga.. at first hesitant pa kaming mabasa kasi hello, naka-sneakers pa ko. Mahirap na.. pero no choice left eh. We had to go on with the activity kahit umuulan sooooo.. kahit na mahal ko ang sapatos ko, naki-join narin ako sa kanila, bahala nalang si batman. :P by groups pa rin yung thing, we're gonna race to the adventure camp together and of course, first one to the place wins, duh.. hahaha, nahuli yung team namin! Puro kasi kami kwento on the way eh.. pero it's ayt, masaya naman.

When we got there, guess what? Slowly nag-subside yung rain. So kamusta naman yun diba? Talagang binasa muna kami.. hay nako.. :) anyways, so nagstart na yung first task namin: Rappelling. I suppose self-explanatory naman na yun diba? Hehe.. all of us I think joined. Haha, t'was my 2nd time to do that and good thing hindi nako natakot just like the first. Nakakatuwa nga coz mabilis nakong nakapag-rappell pababa.. astig.. and then next stop was yung Rope/Obstacle Course. Kami yung last group so we devised a strategy for our team while waiting for our turn. Gumawa pa ng chant sina Leean eh.. ang kulit talaga! Tas nung kami nah, my God.. ang hirap iwasan yung putik ha! I got through it without a single scratch on my legs pero grabe, ang sakit talaga kasi hindi naman ako gumapang eh. Iniwas ko talaga yung knees ko from the mud. Hay.. so yun, I think we managed to pull off a 7-minute something for our team. Not bad after all.. mabilis na yun considering we were 12 all in all.

Whew.. after that quite muddy experience, off we were to the pool!!! Haha, hindi ako nakatiis na maligo even though magsi-swimming rin.. ang dumi dumi ko na kasi.. want my clothes for evidence.. uhh never mind. Haha! So yeah.. may games rin sa pool, and nakakatawang nakakaloko siya. Laging tinutulak si Paulo sa pool pag time na niyang mag-explain kaya tuloy nagkatagal-tagal kami sa game.. haha! Oh well, it turned out okay naman. Ang saya lang talaga. :D

Umahon na ko agad sa pool after a couple of minutes after the game coz mejo lumalamig and gumagabi na rin.. I took a bath yet again coz I couldn't stand the smell of the chlorine on my skin.. chaka para fresh for the night ahead na rin. Haha.. at least wala akong kaagaw sa c.r. kasi most of them were still in the pool.

Hmmm.. Entertainment-night presentations.. we grouped ourselves for the nth time to talk about what we were suppose to present in front for the E-night. Grabe, feeling ko naging jelly yung mga utak namin coz almost lahat kami low-batt. Sina Efraim and E.J. lang ata yung so full of energy at that time. Hahaha! Nag-settle kami sa spoof ng Ordertaker by Parokya ni Edgar. Ginawan nila ng lyrics about Margaux and Paulo, our beloved team leaders. Hahaha!

THEN, the sharing. Sharers were Abby, Nhica, Leonard, Janelle and Migi. Well nagshare rin sina Paulo and Kate about their camp experiences.. I volunteered to share on the spot kaya siguro na mental block ako while I was in front. Grabe talaga, feeling ko antok na antok na sila kaya nakatunganga nalang sila sakin.. hahaha! Oh well, ganon talaga.. :P

Mejo sabaw nga lang yung presentation naming kasi nga hindi masyado prepared.. as I've said sabaw kami.. sorry na. :)) hands down lang talaga sa team nina Emvin, grabe, sumakit talaga tummy ko kakatawa sa skit niyo. \m/

So there.. after E-night, short praise and worship. Nag-suggest kami ng Sardines after pero kami rin yung hindi sumama coz we soon realized na pagod na rin talaga kami. Woohoo.. bumalik nalang kami ng barracks para mag-T.U.B.E! first nag-usap usap kami ni Raffie and Emman.. and then with Cudz, Karen, Leean, Maix, Sheila and Margaux. Haha, that was the first time na nakausap ko sila ng ganon.. galing.. oh well, I promise whatever we talked about last Saturday night will stay with me. walang lalabas.. swear. :D love yah gurls.. :D

Actually di ko rin natagalan yung pag-uusap naming kasi sobrang pagod and sleepy na ko.. umaga na nun eh.. so yun, nag-beauty sleep na rin kami ni She para mawala pagod namin at the least.. :D whew.. :D

For some reason, nagising ako ng maaga. Grabe, sobrang antok na antok pa ko nun, naramdaman ko kasing may mga naglalakad sa baba.. light sleeper kasi ako so yun, uneasy na yung sleep ko afterwards. And then just when I thought na malapit na kong makatulog ulit, biglang may batang sumigaw sa labas ng "Good Morning, TIKTILAOK!!!" grabe, akala ko ako lang ung nakarinig, biglang pagtaas ko ng head ko, sabay sabay kaming nagising! Hahaha! Hindi ko alam kung maiiniz ako sa bata or matatawa eh.. ah bsta.. I went back to sleep in the hope na makakatulog pa ko.. I think I did, pero nagising rin ako agad kasi lumalakas yung kwentuhan nung guys eh, so aion, since hindi ko na ma-take, gumising nalang ako and pinanood ko sila. Hehe.. actually nakakaantok panoorin yung mga tulog pa kasi sobrang deep talga yung sleep nila. I guess nasa REM sleep sila at that time.. wahaha! Don't mind me.. bsta.. :))

8am yung breakfast pero it took us soooooo long to get down of our beds. Haha.. pagdating nga naming sa session hall konti palang yung tao, mostly girls pa. Tulog mantika yung mga guys eh.. :)) weird lang nung tocino, puro fats. Haha.. oh well, that's life. Labo..

yung schedule ng mass was at 9am.. so I took a bath, fixed myself and then umalis na kami. All along I thought sa session hall lang yung mass.. yun pala, mas malayo pa sa adventure camp!!! grabe, hassle talaga, naka-flipflops pa ko kasi hindi ko naman alam na ganon kalayo--approximately 1 kilometer. As in pawis pawis na ko kaka-ligo ko lang. Hayyy.. kakatapos lang nung homily when we got to the church/chapel. As in we couldn't help but pant after that uber long walk to where we were at that time. After the mass.. of course, balik na sa session hall. Sobrang tagal talaga yung trip pabalik kasi ang hirap maglakad paakyat! Buti nalang, may stopovers kami—for peechures!!! Hahaha! Actually that's one of the reasons why kami yung last na nakabalik.. wahahah!

Pagbalik, konting rest lang and then lunch na naman. Ang kulit nung chicken curry eh, hindi lasang curry. :P weird but the taste was not that bad. :P and then, nag-ask sina Emvin kung sino sasama sa cave exploration after lunch. Yung initial decision ko was to stay kasi sobrang pagod na ko after all nang nilakad namin. Pero since most of them would be going, I realized I didn't want to get left behind.. besides, baka once lang mangyari yun so game na ko!

Guess how many we were inside the Starex! 18! Hahaha! Promise nagkasya kami.. literal na sardines kami eh.. sobrang laughtrip pa habang nasa road kasi may dance steps pa sina Emvin, Migi and Emman in front. Haha pati si Emvin sumasayaw kahit na siya yung nagda-drive, promise! :)) aliw talaga pero swear ang sakit ng tiyan ko afterwards. Lolz!

Mej malayo yung trip pero ayos lang. Pagdating dun, cave exploration. Pitch black, walang light.. buti nalang may candles na pinrovide ata nung mga guide namin. Anyways.. it was a pretty short trip inside the cave. It was fun, promise. :)

After nung cave exploration, mejo bitin siya eh kasi sandali lang.. so we pushed through with the water trekking papunta sa waterfalls. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! As in speechless ako sa trekking na yun! Hahahah! Promise! Ang saya kasi tawa kami ng tawa! Hirit sila ng hirit.. :P tapos may time na biglang may sumigaw ng "Picture!!!" so kami naman harap sa camera.. I reached for the nearest tree--bamboo.. what I didn't notice was that ang dami palang little thorns yung branch niya.. eh hinawakan ko talaga siya. Pagkatanggal ko ng kamay ko, ang daming nakatusok. Waaaaaah! Natulala ako tas slowly ko siyang tinatanggal one by one.. pero feeling ko may naiiwan everytime na may natatanggal ako.. tapos nakita ako nina Leean and Leonard.. sabi ni Leonard, tweezers pang-tanggal ko.. I told him na meron ako pero nasa bag.. tas bigla niyang sinabi na may 2 coins siya, yun nalang daw gamitin namin. Haha.. oh well.. :P

Dumaan kami sa sooper daming bato.. tas may stream rin.. and of course, may mud! Hahaha! Nagka-basaan rin.. hay nako.. mej ang dumi pa nga nung water na pinang-basa nila.. pero wala eh, ganon talaga.

I was so relieved nung nakarating na kami dun sa place.. sobrang gusto ko ng water pero walang store or anything. Meron lang cotton candy, scramble, and juice.. as if naman kayang mag-quench ng thirst diba? Anyways.. so yun, ang ganda nung falls! Sobra nga lang dami ng tao.. at first ang balak namin, hindi kami magsi-swimming.. dun lang dapat kami sa rocks.. pero wala rin eh, plan ruined kasi pinagbabasa nila kami! Since basa na rin lang kami ni She, nag-join narin kami sa kanila. Ang lamig ng water promise! Pero ang sarap dun sa may falls talaga, mejo warm yung water.. basta parang massage eh.. :D nakakatawa nga lang yung ibang nilalamig, nanginginig yung mga lips eh. Hehe.. yihee, you know who you are. :P

Grabe, mejo nalibang nga ata kami sa falls kaya hindi namin napansin yung time. Mga past 4pm na ata kami nakaalis dun. As usual, siksikan galore na naman sa starex! Pero this time, fiesta na kami sa food! Hehe.. and of course, hindi nawala ung dance number nilang 3 sa harap. :D

5pm na kami nakabalik.. so yeah, quick bath lang yung ginawa namin kasi we're running out of time na. Nung all-set na lahat ng stuff, ni-load na namin sa cars yung bags namin. We had our last meeting at the session hall para dun sa last batch of awards. And then prayer.. and then, time of departure for manila!

On the way home, sobrang antok na talaga ako but then hindi ako makatulog kasi naririnig ko yung kwentuhan nila sa likod. Haha.. tapos ang lamig pa sa van sobra kaya tuloy restless ako the whole trip. Buti nalang nagkakwentuhan na kaming lahat about certain movies--that was way better. Kahit papano nawala yung pagod ko.. tapos nagulat nalang kami nasa Ortigas na kami agad. Ang galing ang bilis ng byahe.. :D

We arrived at SM Bicutan at around 8pm.. haha! Ang gugulo nila pagkababa ng auto.. nagtatalunan and everything.. so yun.. sinundo kami ni Mama and then that's it..

Grabe.. I can't believe na nagkasya lahat ng nangyari in just 1 1/2 days.. sobrang full of laughters, sweat and teamwork yung weekend na 'toh.. it was SO FAR THE BEST SUMMER OUTING I'VE EVER BEEN IN MY WHOLE YFC LIFE. Promise! If only I could go back and relive those moments, I would.. but I could only look back at them.. sobrang thank you to EVERYONE who were present during the outing. You really made my birthday ONE OF THE MOST MEMORABLE DAYS OF MY LIFE.. I LOVE YOU ALL AND I WOULDN'T TRADE YOU GUYS FOR ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. YOU HAVE MY WORD FOR THAT.

CONGRATULATIONS FOR A VERY SUCCESSFUL SUMMAH OUTING! I LOVE YOU SB2! *MWAHHUGS*

JUDOKA!

2006-05-31T19:55:00.000+08:00

haha! we went to the judo tryouts this afternoon.. but sir/coach bernales oriented us first on some "stuff".. :P training starts on friday though.. sana makaya ko noh? well, so far kaya naman sa sked ko except for Mondays coz hanggang 1730 ang lab ko. kakayanin naman kung gusto right? haha! lolz..

pinakilala rin samin ni sir yung team and assistant team captains ng varsity.. team capt ng guys si RJ Musa. does his name ring a bell?! haha.. don't know if it does on you.. but it did on me. whatever! he's a YFC member and a GK volunteer.. ok fine, he's on the 100% PURE magazine's first ever issue. aion.. so kamusta naman yun diba? nagmukha akong stalker? wala lang.. naalala ko lang kasi kanina nung nakita ko siya--familiar kasi yung face niya. how and why? i own such magazine and i've read the whole issue. :P nice nash.. issue na 'toh. :P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

countdown to outing: 3 days! :P

weeeheee. :P

2006-05-29T21:50:00.000+08:00

*insert deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep sigh here*

hehe, another camp concluded.. the seniors kids camp.. okay, it was an overnight activity and i was part of the service team. joint camp siya ng SB2 and SB9.. so yeah, i got to meet some new friends/YFC. let's just say, sobrang sarap lang nung feeling na puro bata yung kasama mo for two days + one night. ang cu-cute pa nung mga kids.. MOST ESPECIALLY JOHNDRIX!!! my God, i swear crush ko talaga siya and he's 9 years old! he's also an agustinian.. haha.. he's uber cute and sweet.. whenever i'd come up to him, smile lang siya.. then whenever i'd ask for a hug/kiss, hayyy! ang sarap talaga niya lambingin.. and oh, sabi nga pala niya, love niya ko. hahaha! :P

and aion, yesterday morning.. dumating yung parents ng kids.. as for Johndrix's case, kasama yung kuya niya and yung younger brother niya. mi gad.. mini-Johndrix si Jacob eh! promise, ang sarap sarap niyang kurutin.. :P and then there's his kuya.. hands down na.. talaga lang sigurong maganda genes nilang lahat. :) 2 times siyang pinakilala sakin nina Tobin and Xian.. so kamusta naman yun diba? sobrang nakaka-mesmerize lang talaga si Carlo.. siyempre kinilig naman ako nung tumabi siya sakin nung nilalambing ko si Johndrix. haha! *toinks* kinukulit rin kasi niya si Jacob kaya siya tumabi sakin.. oh well, tumabi parin siya! lolz! :P nag-usap kami a couple of times and then.. that's it. and oh by the way, he's also an Agustinian.. basta yun na yun. don't ask for any more info.. beh! :P bibisitahin ko si Johndrix sa CSA sa pasukan. :P

cudz, johndrix and me

cudz and me. :P

margaux, nash, cudz and jem!

with my baby! hahaha! :D
.............................................................................................

anyways.. since it's Monday, it's back to school for me again.. what a loser. okay, i woke up at the wrong side of my bed again because for some reason, i really didn't want to go to school because of Intreco (Introduction to Economics and Taxation). i'm starting to believe that it's gonna be the second installment of my Introso class.. only there has been some minor modifications. Carmy's my classmate in that class.. but i don't think it makes much difference. she was with her blockmates.. and since that's the set-up, it's not in my nature to butt-in in anyone's barkada/block even if my high school kabarkada is there. oh well.. i'll just lift the next 12 weeks to God and hope all will be well. x_x

aion.. if Intreco can be considered as one total borefest, Artapre I say is the complete opposite! we met our professor for the first time this morning and my God was he funny and cute! cute in the sense na may pagka-girly girl siya. well i suppose you know what i mean.. hehe! :P 'stig talaga yung class namin.. asar lang coz ang hirap umakyat sa Andrew! 4 na yung elevators useless pa rin.. sooo.. i resorted for the stairs.. imagine, 9 floors by foot! buti sana kung maayos yung amoy sa fire exit diba? eh amoy cement/paint pa yung walls.. until now sinusumpa ko pa rin talaga yung building na yun. goodluck talaga--lalo na sa mga frosh! at least twice a week lang yung class ko dun. :P

hayy.. so yun.. i ate my lunch after my last class, which was suppose to end at 5:30pm. but since i finished my lab activity before time, i was able to eat earlier than expected. actually wala nga dapat akong balak mag-lunch eh.. pero since kasama ko afomb after class, kumain narin ako. :P congrats rin kay tensh, almost naayos ni jamie yung phone niya! isang bagsak lang pala yung katapat eh! haha.. grabe, na-miss ko kayo! hehe.. yaan niyo, lilibre naman tayo ni ky eh! mwahahahahaha! :P

I am yours oh God.. lead me to Your arms..

2006-05-22T19:51:00.000+08:00

I know I wasn't present in all those house-to-house, i.d. making, pbb practice music min practice and the like, but I tried my best to attend all the service team meetings. You all know my situation; that I don't live within your vicinity. Sometimes I feel guilty for not participating in all those everyday meetings, because it's as if I wasn't making extra efforts for my service.. that's what makes me sad every night whenever I failed to show up for a practice or something. It's as if, kahit na anong gawin ko, kulang pa rin yung binibigay ko kasi wala akong naitutulong, tas hindi pa ko nagpapakita. Masakit yun for me.. wala lang, I just want to share that part. Kasi I can't get over it eh.. oh well.. it's just sad.. knowing that you can do so much but can't because of certain circumstances..

~~~~~

I really am lost for words right now.. I couldn't fully explain how I feel now that the camp is over. Of course I feel happy because it was a huge success both for the participants and for the service team, but then, the longing for those moments spent is now creeping in. sobrang wala talagang word/s na makakapag-contain nung emotions na nafi-feel ko right now, kasi sobrang extra-ordinary lang talaga nung camp this year. I never expected it to turn out that way but just the same, I'm glad it did. I'm so happy to have been a part of the service team once again.. this was the first camp that I was able to dedicate myself into. This was the first camp na sobrang na-feel ko yung closeness nung mga taong naka-trabaho ko. I feel very blessed na sila yung kasama ko sa team and I couldn't ask for anything more.

The talks and sharing were way beautiful. I really admire all the speakers and sharers for their confidence and wits.. sorry kung naiyak ako sa sharing ko ha, couldn't help it eh. Actually, talk pa nga lang ni Emvin, umiiyak na ko pinipigilan ko lang.. kaya tuloy di ko na nakayanan nung turn ko nang magsalita. Pero thank you coz you guys gave me a chance to be a witness, thanks kasi binigyan niyo ko ng chance na mailabas yung mga nararamdaman ko.. at least now, nakakahinga na ko ng mas maluwag..

To the service team, my fellow housemates, my brothers and sisters.. sobrang thankful ko kasi once again, na-prove natin na nothing can break us. After all ng pinagdaanan natin for the past 2 months or so, andito pa rin tayo.. going stronger.. na-prove na naman natin na kaya nating ma-surpass kahit ano basta we're together. Hinding-hindi ko ipagpapalit yung whatever relationship na na-share ko with you guys for anything in this world. You have brought me to where I am now.. and I will never ever cease to believe in you guys. You know you have me.. you gotta know that..

I know, yet again, that these are not enough to express whatever it is that I want to shout out to these people.. I'll leave my thoughts to God.. and hope it reaches you..

To the participants, you have heeded God's call.. you are one of the chosen few and I hope you'll live up to it. I salute you guys.. may all of you be inspired to continue whatever you have started in the camp. there still is a lot in store for you and I'll be more than happy to see you in the service of God's true calling. :P

To the Couple Coordinators.. for everything, thank you sooo very much. you have been our guide and light through this path that we chose to take.. thank you for supporting us all the way.. thank you..

And most importantly/especially, to our Lord.. thank you for providing us with Your love and protection.. You served as our great pillar of strength amidst all those trials and difficulties that we've gone through. All this wouldn't have been possible without YOU.

SOLO DIOS BASTA!!!

a thought or two..

2006-05-18T21:13:00.000+08:00

approximately 16 days before my birthday. well i suppose you know how old i am already right? coz if you don't.. tsk tsk.. you're in huge trouble. i say save yourself from it.

anyways, i'm not here in Manila on my birthday.. i'm going to the summer outing at Sacramento Valley Resort in Rizal.. and it's scheduled on the weekend of my birthday. since i'll be spending my day away from my fam, i guess i'll just celebrate it with them the next day, which is a Sunday.

sooo yeah. i don't have plans for a party or anything because i'm sick of people saying yes to your invite only to leave you hanging by the end of the night. there were so many of them who did that on my debut.. some of them didn't even greet me. fine, i know it's naive.. but then if you're the celebrant, you would want a birthday greeting at the least. never mind the gifts, that's just an extra..

[just wanna let out these feelings. i mean, if you were in my shoes, i'm sure sasama loob mo sa mga taong nag-promise na pumunta sa party mo tas hindi nagpakita sayo.. tinawagan mo na nga kasi hindi nagrereply sa text tas hindi mo pa makakausap kasi may ginagawa or something--then hindi man lang nagtext or call back after some time para itanong kung bakit ka tumawag. hayyyyy... how laaaaaaame. kaya mas mabuti, wala nalang party. magpapakasaya nalang ako sa sacramento valley--rapelling, compass reading, swimming and a whole lot more--that's the life!]

we're almost getting there.. :)

2006-05-18T08:27:00.000+08:00

[insert intro here]

1 DAY TO GO! YOUTH CAMP NA!!! WOOHOO!!!

grabe, i can't believe that we've come this far after all we've gone through.. malapit na, konti nalang, 1 tulog nalang and we're off to beautiful St. Michael! haha, so mejo hindi ko naman ma-contain sarili ko sa sobrang excitement diba? i gotta remember, marami pa kong aayusing damit and stuff na kailangan for tomorrow's camp. :P sana wala akong makalimutan.. kasi hindi talaga ako pwede makaiwan ng kahit na ano kasi lagot. :))

the Tech Run last night was Successful. :D galing galing! actually since okay na yung for the video, yung videos nung precon and HLT yung pinanood namin. haha, first time kong nakita yun so mejo sumakit lang yung tummy and jaw ko kakatawa sa sarili namin. kamusta naman yun diba? hehe.. pati yung tech run ng music min okay na.. sobrang ready na talaga.. weeee! may "turnover ceremonies" rin nung gabi pero hindi ko na natapos kasi sinusundo na ko.. tapos yun pala pupunta rin kami kina Abby kasi andun sina Joey and Joanna. ay sus.. nagstay pa ata kami dun for another hour--sana nagstay na muna ako sa mtg para nakakain ako.. hehe! oh well.. naabutan pa tuloy ako ni Abby sa house nila. :P

Konting konti nalang.. Camp na.. pero for now, i gotta fix my stuff. waaaaaa ang daming dadalin!!!

tsk tsk happy.

2006-05-13T18:47:00.000+08:00

+ BV ako kanina coz EIGHT lang kaming dumating for confession. i mean, i came all the way from sucat para lang umattend for the sake of the team then 7 people lang pala yung dadatnan ko. how about yung mga nakatira lang sa area malapit sa church? i understand yung mga hindi pinayagan because of the mad weather; but then, isa lang yung alam kong hindi inallow ng 'rents niya.

where were the others? diba sabi 7am? fine, i didn't arrive at 7am sharp; pero i tried my best to attend kahit na sobrang gusto ko pang matulog and mag-stay sa bahay. pwede akong mag-confess sa church namin which is, 50 steps away from our home. pero pumunta pa rin ako sa MIQP kasi i was thinking na baka andun yung buong team like last year. imagine, 8? daym.. sooper dooper SW yun ah. sana lang may acceptable reasons yung mga hindi nakapunta sa meeting on Wednesday, kasi sobrang na-BV lang talaga ako. nahihiya kasi ako dun sa mga naabala ko, si Mama.. si Raffy.. hayy.. sana talaga wag nang maulit 'toh.

+ natulog lang ako almost the whole day kasi walang kuryente.. haha! good thing paggising ko may power na. :P

+ the parents' orientation last night was okay. grabe, natuwa naman ako kasi my sharing went well kahit na kinabahan ako at first. gumawa gawa pa ko ng kodigo pero useless rin pala. haha, wish me luck on Saturday.. gawd, tinanong sakin ni kuya norman kung anong oras yung sharing ko.. waaaah pupunta pa ata siya ng maaga. x_x *anxiety disorder*

+ i've got myself a pair of havs Cartunistas and havs Flash last thurs and friday. :P hahaha! mej malaki yung flash sakin but it's all good. i can manage. :) thanks ate mia and tita thelma! weeee. :D

+ with the youth camp only 6 days away, mixed emotions are starting to build up. Tech Run & last Service Team meeting scheduled on Wednesday, better attend or else...

+ sana madagdagan pa yung participants.. pray pray and pray.

hmmmmm?

2006-05-04T15:43:00.000+08:00

haha.. it's my dad's golden birthday celebration on Saturday. :P i'm still thinking 'bout what to give him.. any suggestions?

whooooooo.. am going out out tomorrow to meet some of the afomb. well gotta text all of them later on para kumpleto kami. bibigay ko yung youth camp forms kina hazel and tenshie para ma-fill up na nila. haha! miss ko na sila sobra so you can't blame me kung ganito ako ka-excited. :P

haha, at least makakawala na ko sa bahay bukas. woohoo! :D i'll take that opportunity narin to get my dad his gift. oh well, just wishing na sana makahanap ako ng suitable present for him.

i'm craving for some gummy worms right now. gotta raid the nearest store after this. :))

bored!

2006-05-03T13:35:00.000+08:00

whew. i just felt the need to change my layout.. you bet i love it. :P

oh well.. i'm stuck here at home with nothing else to do. i've been editing pictures since yesterday and i'm kinda getting the hang of it. i also changed the look and feel of my multiply homepage.. sawa na ko sa pink eh. :) [/check it out!]

see what wonders boredom could do to me? ergh.. gawd, ang hirap talaga pag walang ginagawa--nakakabaliw. can somebody come to me; keep me company and help keep my sanity? nice rhyming.. @_@

gusto kong lumabas but it's friggin' hot. naman naman, ayoko nang umitim.. may tan line na nga ako dahil sa flipflops eh. x_x

..............................................................................

napa-isip lang ako.. pano kaya kung hindi ako magseserve sa camp ngayon? mi gad.. edi araw-araw ganito set-up ko? oh no.. di ko kaya yun. siguro mas okay nang mapagod to the max na may ginagawang productive kesa in tip-top shape ka nga pero major couch potato ka naman. hayy.. i'm sure most of you would agree with me. :P

oh well, i've nothing more left to say. just mac me if you've got anything to. :)

so fulfillingly exhausting.

2006-05-02T10:31:00.000+08:00

waaaaaa! kakagising ko lang pero feel ko wala pa rin akong tulog.. daym.. oh well, sobrang busy lang kasi talaga lately.. x_x

good thing we're almost done with the video presentation. rest day ngayon pero honestly gusto ko munang mag-time out for a week or so kasi drained na drained na ko. hayyy..

the service team meeting last night was a smashing success. hahaha! oh diba, wala sa plano namin ni partner sumayaw as part of our presentation pero ginawa na rin namin. :)) ang kulit eh, pero siyempre nangdamay kami ng iba para hindi lang yung main cast ng video yung sumayaw. mwahahaha! thanks to Emman, Paulo, Amiel, Jem, and JB for dancing with us. "Pinoy Ako.." bwahaha!! 'till our next dance number guys. :P

sana mahatak ko na talaga si Aids sa youth camp. i'm pretty confident naman na may mga willing mag-support if ever eh--just like Tito Pluck said last night. grabe sobrang excited na ko.. hehe. :P

still, ako pa rin pala yung sOnger sa Tongues Workshop. x_x hahaha! Raffy and I went to the practice kahapon eh, napakanta tuloy ako ng 'di oras. :P aion.. meron lang couple of songs na hindi ko pa alam pero kaya yan. konting practice lang. sabi naman ni Emman sasabayan niya ko sa Tongues.. goodluck satin ha! :))

sinama rin ako sa Arts Team.. waaaa. goodluck talaga sa schedule. :P oh well.. kakayanin ang dapat kayanin.. para sa camp naman 'to eh. :)

*sawa na ko sa intro ng Narda okay. Emman, you know what i mean. :P*

PANT!!!

2006-04-29T20:53:00.000+08:00

Grabe.. after a whole day's shoot, here I am trying my best to catch my breath. Ang hirap kaya mag-commute noh. Haha.. kinda thinking about what transpired all throughout the shoot. Can't believe na in just one day, halos matapos na lahat lahat kasi ang daming nag-cooperate and the ideas were just pouring in kanina. Uber aga ng call time: 8 am! Haha! Nataranta pa ko kasi paalis pa lang ako ng house ng ganong time. I thought I was already late, pero hindi pa naman pala. When I got at Wanda's house, sina Amiel, Paulo, and Raffy pa lang yung nandun. Buti nalang talaga hinatid ako ni Mama.. *lurve you ma* anyway so yun.. sunud-sunod naman na dumating yung mga casts and I was soo happy kasi ang daming dumating from B2! Hehe.. hindi naman nasayang yung pinunta nila coz naging extra naman sila. :P

Emvin was our director for the day. Hats off na ko.. he really helped us internalized our roles in a funny way. I mean sobrang kahit nahihiya ako, sabi ko bahala nalang, basta role ko tibo. And I did well, I hope. Hahaha!

Ang dami dami dami namin nagawa! Sobra! :P

first yung pagdating sa big brother house. Laughtrip 'tong part na 'toh.. they made me wear Migi's cap para magmukha akong tibo. Kahit na hindi bagay sakin talaga mag-cap, sinuot ko parin, for the love of the video. Hehe! The scene revolves around us 6 housemates.. one by one kaming nagising sa loob ng bahay ni kuya pero we went back to sleep nung makita naming tulog pa yung mga katabi namin.. only to be awaken by Rosa's (Cudz) screaming effort to wake us all up. Basta ang kulit nung mga following scenes lalo na dun sa "egg".. :P love na love ko yung "evul smirk" ni Ernie (Louis)! Promise!

ginawa na rin namin yung past life ng mga housemates--particularly yung sad and happy moments namin. Ang kulit nung scene namin ni Shampoo (Cathy) sa room.. UBE eh. Wahaha!

Then yung mga games na "nilaro" namin. Grabe! Paikutin daw ba kami ng uber bilis tapos magto-touch kami ng fellow housemate. Siyempre hilo-hilo pa kami kaya mukha kaming mga loko-loko na hindi makapaglakad ng maayos. :P then yung piggyback ride namin! Hahaha! Binuhat kaming girls ng boys.. super laughtrip.. Louis, sowee kung mej mabigat ako.. hehe! Pero sobrang fun, promise.. priceless moment talaga. :)

Oh well.. you gotta be a participant or part of the service team of SB2 and SB10 to be able to see our award-winning video. :)) I'm so ecstatic, I can't wait for the youth camp! :D sobrang fulfilling lang talaga nung shooting kanina.. as in nag-enjoy talaga ako to the fullest kahit na pawis pawis na kaming lahat. Happy rin ako kasi ang dami dami naming na-accomplish in just one day. :P

For this Lord, we praise and we thank you. :)

......................................................................................

Anyway.. I just want to share something.. nagkaayos na kami ni Chard. After almost 7 long months of not talking to each other, we decided to stop acting like kids. I mean, we're already adults for God's sake, naisip ko rin na being mad at each other for eternity won't do us any good. Somehow, in some way, kailangan din naming mag-usap to clear things up. Actually, si Fil yung una kong sinabihan about this since sa kanya lang naman ako comfy makipag-usap when it comes to these stuff.. siya yung nagsabi kay Chard tungkol sa mga sinabi ko sa kanya.. and then yun.. Chard felt the same way rin pala.. kung ako naman tatanungin, matagal ko nang na-forgive si Chard sa mga nagawa niya in the past. Aaminin ko, I'm still in the process of healing, and sobrang sensitive ko pa when it comes to this topic; pero I'm trying my best to pick up all my broken pieces. And alam mo yung feeling na kahit nasasaktan ka and hindi ka pa talaga buo so to speak, ang hirap din tanggapin sa loob mo na may galit ka sa isang tao. Ang bigat kaya sa loob nun, and I just felt the need to rid of that feeling kaya here I am now.. I'm happy na we're friends again. I didn't ask for any explanation whatsoever from him kasi matagal nang tapos yun eh, there's no use opening the book again. Past is past. basta the important thing is, wala nang awkwardness between us, and I hope start na 'toh ng much better friendship.

~now I can truly say na mas mapaghahandaan ko na yung sharing ko (talk 3: repentance, faith, healing and forgiveness) sa camp since ayos na kami ni Chard. Nakahinga na ko ng maluwag after naming maghiwalay nung nag-usap kami..

*such a long day. Hayyy.. am sooooooo freakin' tired.

... signing off!